Three Nuns

Three nuns sitting together chatting.
The first nun says to the second nun “ you won’t believe what I found in the father’s desk drawer!”
“What was it?” the second nun asks..
“It was a magazine full of pictures of naked women!” The first nun explained.
“What did you do?” The second nun asks.
“ I just closed the drawer and walked out.” Said the first nun.
Then the second nun says quietly “you won’t believe what I found in the father’s bottom drawer!”
The first nun says “what,what did you find?”
“ I found a whole bag full of condoms!!” The second nun answers.
“Well what did you do then?” Asks the first nun.
“ I poked a hole in every one with a needle!!” The second nun exclaimed..
That’s when the third nun said worriedly “oh shit..”

– Author Unknown

It was delicious

A New Yorker had an elderly mother on the West Coast. She lived alone and would frequently mention to her son that she was lonely. One day, the son entered a pet shop in Manhattan and told the owner that he needed a pet that would be good “company” for his lonely, older mother.
“Have I got the pet for you!” exclaimed the owner, “It’s a beautiful parrot that speaks five languages! He’s so entertaining, she’ll never be lonely.” “I’ll take it!” said the son, as the owner assured him that he could have it safely shipped across country.

A week passed, and the son was eager to hear how his mother was enjoying his gift. He called and after pleasantries, asked if his surprise had arrived. “Oh, yes, it arrived safely “ she assured him. “Well, how did you like it?” he asked. “It was delicious!” she replied.

“Delicious!?!, you ate that parrot? Mom, that bird could speak five languages!”

“Well, he should’ve said something.”

(Author Unknown)

UFO

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters “UFO” were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

“Do you realize what just happened?” the station owner finally uttered.

“Yeah,” said the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Didn’t you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!”

“Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Didn’t you see the letters ‘UFO’ on the side of that vehicle?!”

“Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Don’t you know what ‘UFO’ means?!”

The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. “Good grief, boss! I’ve been

working here for six years. Of course I know what ‘UFO’ means

‘Unleaded Fuel Only.'”

(Author Unknown)

Jesus Is a Doberman

A burglar breaks into a house on the richer side of town. Certain that there is nobody home. He searches for the most likely place to find a safe and he enters. Just as he does, he hears a voice. “I can see you and Jesus can see you”.

He stops in his tracks and stays perfectly still. He doesn’t budge and waits for several minutes. The voice repeats, “I can see you and Jesus can see you.” He carefully takes out his flashlight and shines a ting beam around. He sees a birdcage and inside is a parrot. “Did you say that”?” he asks the parrot. The parrot says again, “I can see you and Jesus can see you”. “Hah! So what. You’re just a parrot”.

“I might be just a parrot” replies the bird, “But Jesus is a Doberman!”

(Author Unknown)

The Great Archaelogists

A team of Archeologists came upon a cave.

Written on the wall of the cave, from left to right were the following symbols :

A woman 2. A Donkey 3. A Shovel 4. A Fish 5. A Star of David
They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were more than three thousands years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree upon as the meaning of the markings.

The President of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said :

“This look like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem.

You can also tell that they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey. So, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them.

Even further truth of their high intelligence is the fish, which means that if a famine hit the earth, whereby their crops didn’t grow, they would take to the sea for food.

The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews. “

The audience applauded enthusiastically and the President smiled and said, “ I’m glad to see that you are all in the full agreement with our interpretations.”

Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, “ I object to very word.

The explanation of what the writings says is quite simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don’t read from left to write .. ….

Now, look again .. .. it now says :

“Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on the Woman. “

(Author Unknown)

Winking

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

“Looking at your resume, I can see that you’re more than qualified”, says the interviewer. “Unfortunately, we can’t have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can’t hire you”, adds the interviewer.

“But wait”, says the man. “If I take two aspirin, I stop winking”.

“Then show me”, replies the interviewer.

So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

“It’s great. You stopped winking”, says the interviewer, “but we can’t have our salesmen womanizing all over the country”.

“What do you mean?”, asks the man. “I’m happily married”.

“How do you explain all the condoms?” asks the interviewer.

“Oh, that”, sighs the man. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”…

(Author Unknown)

Mailman ate him

Little Tommy walks in on his parents having sex, and asks his dad, “Dad, why are you on top of Mommy?” and the dad says, “Well Tommy, remember when you said you wanted a little brother? I’m putting the baby into Mommy!”

A couple of weeks later Tommy is crying, and his dad says, “Tommy, why are you crying?”, and Tommy says, “I’m not gonna have a little brother!”

The dad says, “But don’t you remember, you saw me putting the baby into Mommy?”, and Tommy says, “Yes, but yesterday morning, the mailman ate him!”

(Author Unknown)

Quickie

A young man was tucking his shirt in after a quickie in the back seat with a girl he’d recently met. He felt a little contrite and said to her, Gee, if I’d known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time. The girl: Really?? If I’d known you would have taken more time, I would have taken my panty hose off.

(Author Unknown)

Cricket In Heaven

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved cricket all our lives, and we played cricket on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s bat and ball there and the game is played there!”

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,
“Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.”

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight, a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike–Mike!”

“Who is it?”
asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Mike–it’s me, Joe!”

“You’re not Joe…. Joe just died!”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.

“Joe! Where are you now?”

“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.

“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there’s bat and ball in heaven and they do play cricket! Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play cricket all we want, and we never get tired.”

“That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”

“You’re in the team for this Saturday’s match !!!”

If There Is Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact: ” Barb….Barb”
“Is that you, Eddie?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you’d be proud – lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to golf course again.
Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”
“Oh, Eddie are you in Heaven?”
“No………..I’m a rabbit in Arizona.

(Author Unknown)

Olympics

Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate of The Tokyo Olympic Stadium
“McTavish, Scotland ,” he says,
“Discus,”
and in he walks.

An Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
“Waddington-Smythe, England ,” he says, “Pole vault,” and in he walks.

Then an Indian looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.

“Santa Singh, India ,” he says, “Fencing.”

(Author Unknown)

You Will Walk Today

I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.

The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”

I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”

The Hindu sadhu came and said “Beta, you will walk on your legs today.”

I said “Babaji – nothing wrong with my legs”

The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”

I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.

After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.

I believe in all religions now.

Rose, I Will Never Forget You

Last weekend, my daughter and I were checking out a house she was interested in buying. When the owner came to the door, she looked at me and said, “Roger? I know you. We were good friends when we were young. I’m Rose. Don’t you recognise me?”
I drew a complete blank.
She showed me an old black and white framed picture of her when she was a teenager — still nothing.
She then went in her room, took out a shoe box full of old trinkets, flipped through them, took out an old faded b&w photo and handed it to me. At the bottom of my photo I had written, “Rose, I will never forget you.”

(Author Unknown)

Fair is 25 bucks

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker, and I charge 20 dollars for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a Uber driver, and the fare back to town is 25 bucks.”

(Author Unknown)

Neidder Did I

An Irishman is walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows.

‘Thirty euros,’ she whispers.

Murphy had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only thirty euros.

So they hid in the bushes.
They’re going ‘at it’ for a minute, when all of a sudden a light flashes on them.

It is the police.

‘What’s going on here, people?’ asks the cop.

‘I’m making love to me wife,’ Paddy answers, sounding annoyed.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ says the cop, ‘I didn’t know.’

‘Well, neidder did I, til ya shined that bloody light in her face”.

(Author Unknown)

In a psychology class

It was a Practical Session in the Psychology Class.

The Professor showed a large cage with a Male Rat in it.

The Rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the Professor kept a piece of Cake on one side and kept a Female Rat on the other side.

The Male Rat ran towards the Cake and ate it.

Then, the Professor changed the Cake and replaced it with some Bread.

The Male Rat ran towards the Bread.

This experiment went on with the Professor changing the Food every time.

And, every time, the Male Rat ran towards the Food item and never towards the Female Rat.

Professor said: This experiment shows that Food is the Greatest Strength and attraction.

Then, one of the Students from the back rows said:

“Sir, why don’t You change the Female Rat?This one may be his Wife!”

The Professor stood straight up pointing his finger towards the Student and said “You are a Damn Genius”

(Author Unknown)

Rigor Mortis

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said, “Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?”
His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.”
“Gee Dad that’s great,” said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!” “What do you mean?” said Dad.
“Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, “Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming” If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”

(Author Unknown)

Last Supper

A Jew applied for an audience with the Pope. After insistently waiting for three days and refusing to budge, he was finally granted one.

“Your Holiness, I come from a long line of cooks,” said the Jew.

“That’s very nice,” said the Pope. “What can I do for you?”

“My father was a cook too. So was my grandfather!” said the Jew.

“I gather,” said an increasingly bored pontiff.

“In fact, my ancestors have been cooks for over 2000 years,” the Jew kept pressing.

At his wit’s end, the pontiff replied, “You have been going on and on about this since you walked in… What can I do about that and how can I help you, young man?”

“Your Holiness,” said the Jew, ” The Last Supper Bill still has not been paid!

(Author Unknown)

Catching Thieves

n Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves.
In Japan, in 30 minutes, it caught 2 thieves.

They took it out to different countries for tests:
*U.S.A* in 30 min, it caught 50 thieves;
*UK* in 30 min, it caught 20 thieves;
*Spain* in 30 min, it caught 25 thieves;
*Nigeria* in 10 min, it caught 200 thieves;
*Uganda* in 10 min, it caught 500 thieves;

*Malaysia* in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

(Author Unknown)

Fishing

The rain was pouring down heavily in Bangsar, KL. And standing in front of a big puddle outside a pub, was an old Uncle, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.

Arun, a passer-by stopped and asked, “What are you doing, uncle?”

“Fishing” replied the old man.

Feeling sorry for the old man, Arun said, “Come out of the rain and have a drink with me, uncle.”

In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, Arun cannot resist asking, “So how many fish have you caught today?”

“You’re the eighth” says the old man!

(Author Unknown)

Men Don’t Listen

Satish and his wife Sarala received a letter from their daughter who had gone to study “Modern Biochemistry” overseas.

She wrote, “My beloved parents, I miss you so much and it breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back, you will be so old. Therefore, I am enclosing a bottle of a red potion that I have invented. It will make you 5 years younger, and so when I return, you will be the same age as I left you. *Please, take only a drop.* Goodbye I love you!”

They opened the envelope and found the bottle with the red potion.

Satish looked at his wife and said, “You go first.”

Sarala took a drop and when she indeed turned 5 years younger, Satish immediately did the same.

Years later, the daughter returns home to find her mother… she is younger and happier, and she is carrying a baby on her back. She tells her daughter how the potion worked and how it has made her look younger. The daughter is happy and she asks about her father.

“Your father? Hmmm! You know how men don’t listen! He drank the whole bottle.”

“Whaaat! Where is he?”

“Who do you think is on my back?”

(Author Unknown)

Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called *’Disorder in the American Courts’* and are things people actually said in Court, word for word, taken down and now published by Court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

______________________

*ATTORNEY*: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

*WITNESS* : Did you actually pass the law exam?

______________________

*ATTORNEY* : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

*WITNESS* : He’s twenty, much like your IQ.

_____________________

*ATTORNEY* : Were you present when your picture was taken?

*WITNESS* : Are you serious.

______________________

*ATTORNEY*: She had three children, right?

*WITNESS* : Yes.

*ATTORNEY* : How many were boys?

*WITNESS* : None.

*ATTORNEY* : Were there any girls?

*WITNESS* : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

______________________

*ATTORNEY* : How was your first marriage terminated?

*WITNESS* : By death.

*ATTORNEY* : And by whose death was it terminated?

*WITNESS* : Take a guess.

______________________

*ATTORNEY* : Can you describe the individual?

*WITNESS* : He was about medium height and had a beard.

*ATTORNEY* : Was this a male or a female?

*WITNESS* : Unless the Circus was in town, I’m going with male.

______________________

*ATTORNEY* : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

*WITNESS :* All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

______________________

*ATTORNEY*: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

*WITNESS* : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

*ATTORNEY* : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

*WITNESS* : If not, he was by the time I finished.

______________________

*ATTORNEY*: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : Did you check for blood pressure?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : Did you check for breathing?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : How can you be so sure, Doctor?

*WITNESS* : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

*ATTORNEY* : But could the patient have still been alive?

*WITNESS*: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

(Author Unknown)

Do you have an Eraser?

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.

 

This is exciting,” thought the gentleman. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.”

Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry-on bag and began penciling in the answers.

“This is fantastic!” the gentleman mused. “I’m really good at crosswords.” It crossed his mind that if the Pope got stuck, He’d ask him for assistance.

Almost as if providence struck, the Pope turned to the man and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘unt’?

The three Cardinals behind, in front of, and beside him shrunk down in their seats, as far as possible, all looking for something on the floor.

The man was in morbid shock. He couldn’t breathe. He went within himself, thought deeper, longer for a plausible answer and after almost a minute, the dark clouds of evil parted in his mind and the sun shone in.

Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said, with reverence and politeness, “l believe, Your Holiness that you’re looking for the word, ‘aunt’ “.

 “Of course!” the Pope declared, “Do you have an eraser?”

(Author Unknown)

Go to sleep

Said a Male mosquito to its wife:

Darling I will hunt a Lion for you..

FemaleMosq:

Ok fine, now go to sleep

MaleMosq: I will bite an elephant and bring his blood for you..

FemaleMosq:

Sure love, now go to sleep..

MaleMosq: I will drive you around Paris in a Mercedes

FemaleMosq:

Hmm ok, now go to sleep…

MaleMosq: You dont trust me? I will get you a 100 gms Gold chain…

FemaleMosq:

You idiot, now go to sleep…

How many times have I told you not to come home after biting a politician!

(Author Unknown)

Local Call

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So, he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from North to South.

On his first day, he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read.

‘$10,000 per call’.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied.

“That is a direct line to Heaven and for $10,000 you can talk to God”.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta.

There, in a very large cathedral, he saw another golden telephone, with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him.

“That is a direct line to Heaven and for $10,000 you can talk to God”.

“OK, thank you,”

said the American.

He then travelled all across America, then onto Europe, England, Japan, and New Zealand.

In every church he saw an identical golden telephone with the same.

‘$10,000 per call’

sign under it.

The American decided to travel to China, to see if China had the same phone.

After he landed in China, he went into the first church he found.

There was the golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read.

’40 Cents per call.’

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.

“Father, I’ve travelled all over the world and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches.

I’m told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them the price was $10,000 per call”.

“Why is it so cheap here?”

The priest smiled and answered.

“You’re in China now son…….”

“THIS IS HEAVEN,”

(Author Unknown)

“so it’s a local call’.

Chinese Medicine Made Simple.

“Western medicine is complicated whereas Chinese medicine is simple. To the Chinese sinseh, every single bodily malfunction boils down to heatiness, boils down to your liver. To heal your liver, they’d prescribe you bitter herbs to boil and drink. To speed up healing, you sleep. Under multifold layers of blanket.”

Too Little

A PM in one country visited a kindergarten and asked them

“How much is the budget for each child’s food consumption per month?”

They told him: “$ 400.”

He said: “That is a lot .. “

And so they reduced it to $ 300.

Then he visited the prisons and asked them: “How much is the prisoner’s food budget per month?”

They told him: “$ 400 sir.”

He said:

“That is too little!.. Increase it to $ 1000!”

A minister accompanying him was appalled by the PMs strange decision so he asked him:

“Honourable PM, I am curious. Why reduce the budget for food for the kindergarten children but increases the allowance for the prisoners?”

The PM replied: “Do you really think that after leaving the Government service , people like us would end up in the kindergarten ?”

(Author Unknown)

I’ll Do The Dishes

Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle. He doesn’t have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a ‘For Sale’ sign on it.

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in mint conditions

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

“Well, it’s quite simple,”says the seller, “Whenever the bike is outside and it’s gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain”, and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invited him over to meet her parents.

Naturally, they rode the bike there.

Just before they entered the house, Sandra stops him and says, “I have to tell you something about my family. When we eat, we don’t talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes”.

“No problem”, Joe says.. And in they went.

Joe was shocked. Right in the middle of the living room was a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen was another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks!

They sat down for dinner, and sure enough, no one said a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decided to take advantage of the situation.

He leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one said a word.

He reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Nobody said a word.

Fascinated, Joe stood up, grabs her, rips off her clothes, threw her on the table and screws her right there in front of her parents.

His girlfriend was a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom, horrified! After Joe sat down, no one said a word.

He looks at her mum “She’s got a great body too!” He thought to himself.

So Joe grabs mom, bent her over the table, pulled down her panties, and screws her every which way but loose, right there on the dinner table.

She had a big orgasm, and Joe sat down again.

His girlfriend was furious, her dad was boiling, and mum was beaming from ear to ear. But still, total silence.

All of a sudden, there was a loud clap of thunder, and it started to rain.

Joe remembered his bike, so he pulled out the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father shouts.

“I’ll do the fuckin’ dishes…..!!”

(Author Unknown)

Couple Fight

Fight between husband and wife (both with MA in English literature). Instead of resorting to shouting, abusing or physical force… they write poems to each other.

*WIFE*

I wrote your name on sand it got washed

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away

Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got a Heart Attack.

*HUSBAND*

God saw me hungry, he created pizza

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi

He saw me in the dark, he created light

He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

*WIFE*

Twinkle twinkle little star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far

*HUSBAND*

The rain makes all things beautiful

The grass and flowers too.

If rain makes all things beautiful

Why doesn’t it rain on you?

*WIFE*

Roses are red; Violets are blue

Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.

*Husband*

Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but laughing at you!!

(Author Unknown)