Rigor Mortis

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said, “Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?”
His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.”
“Gee Dad that’s great,” said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!” “What do you mean?” said Dad.
“Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, “Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming” If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”

(Author Unknown)

Last Supper

A Jew applied for an audience with the Pope. After insistently waiting for three days and refusing to budge, he was finally granted one.

“Your Holiness, I come from a long line of cooks,” said the Jew.

“That’s very nice,” said the Pope. “What can I do for you?”

“My father was a cook too. So was my grandfather!” said the Jew.

“I gather,” said an increasingly bored pontiff.

“In fact, my ancestors have been cooks for over 2000 years,” the Jew kept pressing.

At his wit’s end, the pontiff replied, “You have been going on and on about this since you walked in… What can I do about that and how can I help you, young man?”

“Your Holiness,” said the Jew, ” The Last Supper Bill still has not been paid!

(Author Unknown)