Men Don’t Listen

Satish and his wife Sarala received a letter from their daughter who had gone to study “Modern Biochemistry” overseas.

She wrote, “My beloved parents, I miss you so much and it breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back, you will be so old. Therefore, I am enclosing a bottle of a red potion that I have invented. It will make you 5 years younger, and so when I return, you will be the same age as I left you. *Please, take only a drop.* Goodbye I love you!”

They opened the envelope and found the bottle with the red potion.

Satish looked at his wife and said, “You go first.”

Sarala took a drop and when she indeed turned 5 years younger, Satish immediately did the same.

Years later, the daughter returns home to find her mother… she is younger and happier, and she is carrying a baby on her back. She tells her daughter how the potion worked and how it has made her look younger. The daughter is happy and she asks about her father.

“Your father? Hmmm! You know how men don’t listen! He drank the whole bottle.”

“Whaaat! Where is he?”

“Who do you think is on my back?”

(Author Unknown)

Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called *’Disorder in the American Courts’* and are things people actually said in Court, word for word, taken down and now published by Court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

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*ATTORNEY*: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

*WITNESS* : Did you actually pass the law exam?

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*ATTORNEY* : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

*WITNESS* : He’s twenty, much like your IQ.

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*ATTORNEY* : Were you present when your picture was taken?

*WITNESS* : Are you serious.

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*ATTORNEY*: She had three children, right?

*WITNESS* : Yes.

*ATTORNEY* : How many were boys?

*WITNESS* : None.

*ATTORNEY* : Were there any girls?

*WITNESS* : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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*ATTORNEY* : How was your first marriage terminated?

*WITNESS* : By death.

*ATTORNEY* : And by whose death was it terminated?

*WITNESS* : Take a guess.

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*ATTORNEY* : Can you describe the individual?

*WITNESS* : He was about medium height and had a beard.

*ATTORNEY* : Was this a male or a female?

*WITNESS* : Unless the Circus was in town, I’m going with male.

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*ATTORNEY* : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

*WITNESS :* All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

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*ATTORNEY*: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

*WITNESS* : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

*ATTORNEY* : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

*WITNESS* : If not, he was by the time I finished.

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*ATTORNEY*: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : Did you check for blood pressure?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : Did you check for breathing?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : How can you be so sure, Doctor?

*WITNESS* : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

*ATTORNEY* : But could the patient have still been alive?

*WITNESS*: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

(Author Unknown)