Anything Goes

“There’s the gang, irregardless of age, who has registered with mysejahtera waiting patiently to be called up for their first dose, (including yours truly) but are still waiting in line.
There’re the institutions, from schools to private colleges, whom were privileged enough to enrol their staffs, ( it’s ok they are teachers) preferring not to wait but pay to be vaccinated. But some got it, others are kept wondering.
There’re the assigned private hospitals (god knows which because the list wasn’t announced), collecting queues from individuals who can afford, instead of waiting-in-line from government call ups. (The kiasu kakis). No signs of vaccine being dispensed till date. But in the midst are some private clinics already dispensing vaccines to privilege customers.
Then there’re the constant anonymous circulation in the internet, of abrupt ad hoc dispensing of vaccines in limited quantities, sometimes daily, by ngos outside government quarters with no names . Some claim to have been injected. Others rejected by virtue of age.
And there’re those amongst us who had been injected and some haven’t. Age varies from 12 to 75. Mostly privileged people who fears death most and those with a growing itch to travel. If we would have achieved 13% inoculation figures nationwide, isn’t that taken to mean 1.3 out of 10 people had been injected? I can name you more than fifty around me who haven’t.
So what’s the problem here?
The problem is there’re no ministries including the information ministry, health, or immunisation ministry that keeps us updated about the distribution except for popular perks announced by our pm and bi-weekly cash register curbs by our beloved home ministry.
No one bothers to dispense correct news except the number of infected cases and deaths through the main media especially, which could be easily followed if they announced it through my sejahtera or even smses.
To those who are coerced for private appointments, while there’s vaccine shortage, do you think the government will fulfill your order first or dispense them to the mysejahtera line ups?
Hard to say.
Because in Malaysia, anything goes. But it makes honorary awards all the more important because of the privileges that came with it especially the Tan Sris and Tuns and Royalties who doesn’t need to take their turns like us. Heck! Even those politicians who promises to take care of you and me, because they are the first to be injected, not last. And if they are the first to have taken the double dosage, what’s the risk level if Parliament were to be opened?”

Irreversible Brain Damage

“I have never emphasised enough, the importance of the three important SOPs – washing hands regularly, remain a comfortable distance, wear your masks well, until herd immunity is achieved. And enforcing them is by regularly blasting them on essential media platforms. In fact, there is one more essential, but I have booted it out. Stay at home. Why?
Because your information ministry had a couple of well groomed yuppies in working attire speaking on national tv urging others stay at home when they themselves are in their office. Why? Because you have a fetish to outdo yourself as a joker?
No wonder lah.
Your implementing of fines for those who doesn’t condone to your silly rules has also resulted in systemic discrimination, corruption and racial polarisation when there is an obvious lack of dignified law enforcers with integrity measured against our entire population. Don’t you think it is easier to encourage neighbourhood watch or have you found an ideal home-grown business for your staffs? On the extreme end, we will gladly help you enforce if you’d allow us to bitch-slap any motorist, jogger, hiker or cyclist who doesn’t wear masks, as well as helmets.
Take a good look at your statistics.
Assuming the figures had not been tampered with and are accurate, then it’s high time you accept that your ideas failed full time. Because if it would have worked, your statistics would have shown otherwise.
The curbing of non essential goods and services, time restrictions, and district blockage is time wasting and has no effect on the lowering of infections. Worse, to those who thought that ketuanan gives them immunity and the law is not made for them. Why can’t you instead make the business concerns become responsible enforcers beit hotels, banquet halls or entertainment centres?
So, where do we go from here? When the rate of suicide cases increases? You plan to recruit more divers to retrieve bodies or instruct buildings more than two stories high to install safety nets? You are so out of touch with the ground, implementing rules driven by preferential classes which masquerades your self enrichment.
No wonder lah.
I suggest you exit from where you came from. The back door. If you remain, we will suffer from irreversible brain damage, listening to your kind of excuses.”

Catching Thieves

n Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves.
In Japan, in 30 minutes, it caught 2 thieves.

They took it out to different countries for tests:
*U.S.A* in 30 min, it caught 50 thieves;
*UK* in 30 min, it caught 20 thieves;
*Spain* in 30 min, it caught 25 thieves;
*Nigeria* in 10 min, it caught 200 thieves;
*Uganda* in 10 min, it caught 500 thieves;

*Malaysia* in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

(Author Unknown)

Be A Man

“Boycott, sanctions, play-down, curtailing truths, dominate world media, things you do to run down and blame China for your own incompetence. Be a man and stand up to fair play. To China, it’s not a power game.

Friendship has always been the number one reason why China helps. If they wanted power, you would have been bankrupted long ago because of your own irrecoverable national debts to China. China have been aiding everyone without interest nor interests including you and have written off many debts. And they have turned around many failing corporations, even those that existed in your own turf when your own men have failed.

The second reason is about caring for one another ~ reaching out to poorer countries to relief their sufferings, the virtue of helping the poor and needy, so that when the poor boy recovers and could stand on its own feet, more opportunities for trade could happen. That is what even your own God taught you to do ~ “To Help those in need”, which you exploited so mercilessly, feeding and sucking off third world countries with might and ammunition, not aid, so you could dominate and feed your urge to control.

The last reason is basically commerce, to feed their engine of growth, and provide an avenue for their cash to channel off, not stuck in their own country. It is to smother the path for world trade to prosper with ease. Their speed of implementing new concepts is because their government does not selectively support anyone with good ideas to lessen workload. They’ll back anyone up with tonnes of cash, for as long as your goods could be exported, and the lessening and easing of red tapes, which is the main factor why corruption no longer exist. Which you can’t do.

Many third world countries ever since eight hundred or more years ago have paid homage to China as the grand daddy of South China Sea. Their fleet helped to rid the sea off pirates when their colonial daddy’s claim they don’t know how, but uses their sea power to take over even more countries, thus many of those countries felt indebted and pay homage to China annually with gifts of gold when in fact China did not asked for anything in return. Did China take over these countries? No. That also , they didn’t.
But I know you would have, knowing your greed and lust for power.

They weren’t born with a wicked heart like yours.”

Walking Mascots

“Your country is controlled by agencies, whereas your presidents are just walking mascots. If not, kindly explain why Biden is implementing the same foreign policy Trump did, when your citizens voted for change from one against the other?
So ask yourself who controls your country?
When I was there, I see big lands, spacious roads, big houses, big sizeable people. Each of your shops is the size of our supermarket with abundance of car parks.
Everything you have there is top class even in the sub urban.
Your citizens had been fed with luxury for the longest of time. And each lunch of yours could feed us for one whole day. I thought with your own heavy breakfast, you’d skip lunch but you didn’t . You reap the finest of Kobe beef.
Guess how much a bottle of olive oil cost in our country when we sell to you peanut oil , even rice, for cheap? Guess your prices of fruits ? Just when we are feeding off things we can’t export unless you buy them for cheap. Thus all our quality produce including timber that goes to your country are the finest. We no longer find ramin, merbau, balau or berlian wood in our hardware shops. The size of one room of yours is the size of our house. We feed on just leftovers. We feed on plastic plates and cups while your people uses fine porcelain. Something you invented after the war. Your computers were priced at rm15k before China sells it to us at one fifth the cost.
It’s a privilege for your families to even have tuna fish and lobsters with pleasure when we were feeding off ikan bilis and kembongs.
Now that your country shouts for an economic war with China, you honestly think your citizens will lift off their butts from their comfort couch and say, “ok lets fight?” Haloooo! One only fights when one have no clothes on one’s back.
Not the Americans.
So walk back to your dreamscape. You’d do better by being friendly. And that’s the best advice you’d ever get from me. Rather than being suspicious over China’s next big move. Looks like you’re jittering because all the pawns on their chessboard seems to be moving simultaneously.
Don’t get me wrong. I love all my American friends. But the way you administrate your country, is in a mess. And stop playing God when you have never helped. Asking for something in return is not help. That is business.
Just saying.”

Shitting in your Pants

Dear Azmin,
Unless you are implying that our Agong is stupid, this is what the Agong said “that Parliament should be allowed to reconvene as soon as possible ‘to enable proper discussion’ of the Emergency Ordinance and Malaysia’s Covid-19 ‘recovery plan’”.
The key here of which I have highlighted in brackets which is ‘to enable proper discussion’ and ‘recovery plan’!
(Not after the Emergency Ordinance is over, neither is it ‘after’ we have recovered.) It means now!
And if you continue to propound your ignorance trying to propagate a differing theory, shifting your goal post towards a simple worded request which is to be acted upon ‘as soon as possible’, maybe it’s high time your esteem colleagues and you step aside, and go back to relearn English in primary school, because not being able to read replies properly suggests misinterpretation, thus, is a threat to national security, and not knowing what ‘as soon as possible’ means all the monkeys including you and your entire ministry continually miss datelines set, when sad to say, you are our frontline ambassadors to this country.
If I may add, maybe you are waiting to be summoned by the King for treachery so you could have your all time high shitting in your pants.”

Fishing

The rain was pouring down heavily in Bangsar, KL. And standing in front of a big puddle outside a pub, was an old Uncle, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.

Arun, a passer-by stopped and asked, “What are you doing, uncle?”

“Fishing” replied the old man.

Feeling sorry for the old man, Arun said, “Come out of the rain and have a drink with me, uncle.”

In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, Arun cannot resist asking, “So how many fish have you caught today?”

“You’re the eighth” says the old man!

(Author Unknown)

Men Don’t Listen

Satish and his wife Sarala received a letter from their daughter who had gone to study “Modern Biochemistry” overseas.

She wrote, “My beloved parents, I miss you so much and it breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back, you will be so old. Therefore, I am enclosing a bottle of a red potion that I have invented. It will make you 5 years younger, and so when I return, you will be the same age as I left you. *Please, take only a drop.* Goodbye I love you!”

They opened the envelope and found the bottle with the red potion.

Satish looked at his wife and said, “You go first.”

Sarala took a drop and when she indeed turned 5 years younger, Satish immediately did the same.

Years later, the daughter returns home to find her mother… she is younger and happier, and she is carrying a baby on her back. She tells her daughter how the potion worked and how it has made her look younger. The daughter is happy and she asks about her father.

“Your father? Hmmm! You know how men don’t listen! He drank the whole bottle.”

“Whaaat! Where is he?”

“Who do you think is on my back?”

(Author Unknown)

Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called *’Disorder in the American Courts’* and are things people actually said in Court, word for word, taken down and now published by Court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

______________________

*ATTORNEY*: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

*WITNESS* : Did you actually pass the law exam?

______________________

*ATTORNEY* : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

*WITNESS* : He’s twenty, much like your IQ.

_____________________

*ATTORNEY* : Were you present when your picture was taken?

*WITNESS* : Are you serious.

______________________

*ATTORNEY*: She had three children, right?

*WITNESS* : Yes.

*ATTORNEY* : How many were boys?

*WITNESS* : None.

*ATTORNEY* : Were there any girls?

*WITNESS* : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

______________________

*ATTORNEY* : How was your first marriage terminated?

*WITNESS* : By death.

*ATTORNEY* : And by whose death was it terminated?

*WITNESS* : Take a guess.

______________________

*ATTORNEY* : Can you describe the individual?

*WITNESS* : He was about medium height and had a beard.

*ATTORNEY* : Was this a male or a female?

*WITNESS* : Unless the Circus was in town, I’m going with male.

______________________

*ATTORNEY* : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

*WITNESS :* All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

______________________

*ATTORNEY*: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

*WITNESS* : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

*ATTORNEY* : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

*WITNESS* : If not, he was by the time I finished.

______________________

*ATTORNEY*: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : Did you check for blood pressure?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : Did you check for breathing?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : How can you be so sure, Doctor?

*WITNESS* : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

*ATTORNEY* : But could the patient have still been alive?

*WITNESS*: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

(Author Unknown)