I’ll Do The Dishes

Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle. He doesn’t have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a ‘For Sale’ sign on it.

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in mint conditions

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

“Well, it’s quite simple,”says the seller, “Whenever the bike is outside and it’s gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain”, and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invited him over to meet her parents.

Naturally, they rode the bike there.

Just before they entered the house, Sandra stops him and says, “I have to tell you something about my family. When we eat, we don’t talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes”.

“No problem”, Joe says.. And in they went.

Joe was shocked. Right in the middle of the living room was a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen was another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks!

They sat down for dinner, and sure enough, no one said a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decided to take advantage of the situation.

He leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one said a word.

He reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Nobody said a word.

Fascinated, Joe stood up, grabs her, rips off her clothes, threw her on the table and screws her right there in front of her parents.

His girlfriend was a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom, horrified! After Joe sat down, no one said a word.

He looks at her mum “She’s got a great body too!” He thought to himself.

So Joe grabs mom, bent her over the table, pulled down her panties, and screws her every which way but loose, right there on the dinner table.

She had a big orgasm, and Joe sat down again.

His girlfriend was furious, her dad was boiling, and mum was beaming from ear to ear. But still, total silence.

All of a sudden, there was a loud clap of thunder, and it started to rain.

Joe remembered his bike, so he pulled out the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father shouts.

“I’ll do the fuckin’ dishes…..!!”

(Author Unknown)

Couple Fight

Fight between husband and wife (both with MA in English literature). Instead of resorting to shouting, abusing or physical force… they write poems to each other.

*WIFE*

I wrote your name on sand it got washed

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away

Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got a Heart Attack.

*HUSBAND*

God saw me hungry, he created pizza

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi

He saw me in the dark, he created light

He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

*WIFE*

Twinkle twinkle little star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far

*HUSBAND*

The rain makes all things beautiful

The grass and flowers too.

If rain makes all things beautiful

Why doesn’t it rain on you?

*WIFE*

Roses are red; Violets are blue

Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.

*Husband*

Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but laughing at you!!

(Author Unknown)

China Dolls ni

“Out of curiosity, I registered with a dating site, earning myself 20 requests daily. From China doll swindlers trying to do a quick kill, and elderly women expecting to hook up some single handsome rich men. Lol… lol… they are all snapped up long ago dear! Don’t expect handsome men to be monks for life ya?

As the register of marriages gets filled up, the probability of dating single handsome rich men dwindles by the day. Even for those who are not handsome, nor rich.

The reasons why singles remain singles at a mature age are many. Just as many as why leftovers remain leftovers. I am not saying there are no longer decent older men around up for grabs. But for those who remain single, many have fallen in, others have fallen out. To some, it is a choice they hold on to for life. And they won’t let go of that choice. Some value freedom, others, because they do not have freedom owing to family or financial obligations. But for the many who remained single, it is because they suffer from a lifetime of communication difficulties, emotional disconnection, apart from physical and mental anomalies.

If you are older, but still wanted to attract single handsome men, looks like you have to settle for those that were once married. So watch what you write and wish for on your dating profile. If you had never been short of request to chat, if you are older, chances are these men are all married.

Otherwise you will need to continuously spruce up your image, to compete with those China dolls when it comes to looks. Which most men are attracted to. I won’t lie to you. They are your benchmark. Many pretty married women got dumped and cheated by their straying husbands in search of China dolls, no matter how well they take care of themselves.

Sprucing up your looks may win you attention, but that will also earn you countless heartbreaks too. If men are attracted to you physically, you can bet they’ll say anything, including lying about their marriage, just to bed you. For those who are honest and good, are not many. There are, but not many.

The internet has opened up the Pandora’s box that made stray dogs out of men. But men being men, were all born strays. They are all born hunters since primitive ages. Since young, men were designed to make life uncomfortable and silly for everyone. And that’s the truth.

Conclusion- I deregister myself from the dating app for good. Because I have a weakness. I am sapiosexual. I can’t feed on just looks alone. That alone makes me yawn.”

This is Not your Father’s House!

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly,

sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman’s husband unexpectedly comes home.

She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already. The little Boy says: “Dark in here.”

The Man says: “Yes, it is.”

Boy: “I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?”

Man: “No, thanks.”

Boy: “My dad’s outside, I’ll call him if you don’t buy it!”

Man: “OK, how much?”

Boy: “$1,000.”

A few weeks later it happened again ,

and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.

Boy: “Dark in here.”

Man: “Yes, it is.”

Boy: “I have soccer boots.”

The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: “How much?”

The Boy says :”$5,000.”

The Man says: “Fine, I will buy them.”

A few days later, the Father says to the boy:

“Grab your ball and boots,

let’s go outside and have a game.”

The Boy says: “I can’t, I sold them for $ 6,000.”

The Father says: “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… $ 6,000 is way more than those two things cost.

I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your “SINS.”

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The Boy says: “Dark in here.”

The Priest says: “Don’t start that shit again!”

THIS IS MY CHURCH, NOT YOUR FATHER’S HOUSE !

(Author Unknown)