Jokers

The numbers are so predictable, the entrance and exit doors of hospitals and car parks would be jam packed. Are they? No. A commoners experience with the attitude of staff nurses in kl hospital or pg hospital would tell you they can hardly handle 100 cases a day, and tell the latecomers to report the next day, with most patients or suspects having to sit there for five hours waiting for the mo, not even a full fledged qualified doctor to attend to you, while the tension builds up to one of anger. Not a day goes by without patients or guardians arguing due to their slow operational tidak apa attitude. 5728? You must be kidding me. Show us the breakdown of all the patients with their addresses and particulars and I’ll show you an irresponsible government who would at the end of the day, try to convince us the relevance of the vaccine, and that they succeeded in controlling it. Just to win popular votes. It is so predictable. No wonder everyone is laughing. Why? Because Malaysians are all kiasu and kiasi. No one will risk it. Look at secluded orchards like telok bahang and balik pulau, everyday there are cases. Have you experienced road blocks? None. Even the police knew they were fluke. Ini macam kah how you put us citizens and the economy in dire straits?

Jokers!

Nothing Better to Do

Don’t listen to him talk cock. Even yesterday’s Covid figures. From the way the staff nurses operate in the general hospitals, shaking their lazy bums right and left , each hospital can’t get way pass 100 cases or tests given 24hrs. 5,049? Show me the videos they are running in full capacity because for the virus to manifest it takes weeks which means the icu bed figures does not tally with the statistics. Only 300 icu beds give and take were taken up. Don’t talk about nationwide. Just talk about kl hospital or the Penang one.

And if the figures are that high, why then did they announce the opening of night markets yesterday? Got nothing better to do?

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go back to and secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would provide child support until the kid reaches eighteen.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he asked her to simply mail him a postcard with the words ‘spaghetti’ written on the back.

One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. “Honey”, she said. “Today you received a very strange postcard.”

‘Oh really? Let me see!’ he said. The wife gave it to him and watched as the husband read what is written as he turned white, then fainted. On the postcard was written the words ‘Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, two with meatballs, one without. Send extra sauce.’

(Author Unknown)

Don’t Blame the People

Don’t blame the people. It’s not that people are not alarmed. It’s because they don’t trust you. Looking at the way you go about forming the back door government, your malfeasance gave you away. Your ministers caught Covid through call girls must be. That’s why we rely on the internet for more accurately information just when you, the government dispenses inaccurate statistics and makes double standard rules. These things you do in exchange for pocket money and popular votes. Look closely at yourself in the mirror. What did you do to individuals selling blessed water that is supposed to protect those who drink it from contacting Covid? What did you do to bikers still gathering in the open? Is the construction industry an essential? Are buffets essential each time the government servants attend seminars and talks? Other countries has gone ahead with vaccines. While you are still trying to pinpoint others when the fault is all yours. Does the rakyat have the right to relax interstate travelling or allowing foreigners to come in still? Are your enforcements still out there taking bribes rather than issuing fines and make arrrest? Can you remember how COVID started here? Did you make firm arrests and contact tracing straightaway? Were there rules to ensure factories comply with foreign workers lodging conditions?

If you can’t give up your dirty habits in a new world order, then I am sure you can handle a tongue sharper than mine.

And btw, don’t you think one mask is sufficient in between two people? In between waiters, service personnel’s and customers?

Temporal Laws

Temporal laws begets Uncertain directions begets decisions like this. Can a businessman makes firm decisions whether to go online temporarily or permanently and for how long, which affects rental decisions, office equipment or even kitchen installation, when our government changes its stance bi monthly? The every two weeks thing has stretched to more than a year already and yesterday they hold firm to the decision of allowing foreigner arrivals when they are banning yet again interstate travel. We can’t even visit our parents but foreigners can go f around? As far as I am concern, this gang of pricks can go to Hell.

Don’t fictionalise it

“Sometimes, after one receives a tip-off that ‘satay’ or ‘Snar Tay’ meaning ‘thee pieces’ in Hokkien , you do not need to fictionalise it with Zhenghe to give it weight. It can stand on its own. And it stretches way back before Zhenghe because Bukit Cina was there long before ‘Paramscura’ or who we commonly addressed him as Parameswara gave Malacca a name.

Yes, many says that Satay is from Indonesia but so are ‘bak mee’ and ‘bak pniar’ which in Hokkien means Pork Mee or Pork biscuit respectively. Also the word ‘hantu’ in Malay used to describe ‘ghost’ which in Hokkien really means ‘seldom meet’. Which is true. One ‘seldom meets’ a ghost. Tell me what does satay as a word or hantu means in bahasa melayu or Indonesia?

As a Hokkien, when we use the word ‘Bak’ by itself, we are referring to pork. Unles we call it ‘kay bak’ which means chicken meat or ‘Gu bak’ which means beef. And satay of that era also has skewers of pork intestines grilled the same way and dipped into the same sauce. I tasted that in the 60s at the coffee shops next to Cathay Cinema Penang.

Let’s just call a spade a spade. Don’t fictionalise it to make yourself feel good about it“

– Kris Lee 2021

Satay from Malacca was created on the spot by the ship cook of Admiral Zheng He.

The satay legend is like this.

When Admiral Zheng He paid a visit to the Port City of Malacca, the Sultan invited the Admiral to his Palace for dinner.

During the dinner, one of the topics discussed was food and the Sultan mentioned that he would like to sample some of the dishes cooked by the Admiral’s chefs.

It so happened that a ship chef was in the Admiral’s entourage and the Admiral asked him to cook up a dish as quickly as possible.

As the chef was unprepared at that time, he didn’t have any cooking utensils with him. He went into the Palace kitchen and saw what he needed.

He cut up some chicken and beef into cubes, marinated them and skewered 3 pieces of meat to each bamboo stick and cooked them over the open fire.

After it was done, the chef presented the dish to the Sultan & the Admiral. Both of them loved the dish so much that they insisted the chef prepare more skewered meats. After consuming them, the Sultan asked what was the name of the dish.

The chef when asked by the Admiral was dumbstruck as he had just concocted this dish. As he spoke only Hokkien and he skewered 3 pieces of meat to each stick, he just said “Sar Tey” meaning 3 pieces in Hokkien. That was how Satay came about.

Extended MCO

1) Why are Friday prayers allowed when other places of worship were asked to close?

2) Why are foreigners still allowed into the country when the rakyat is not even allowed to travel interstate? And at one time, disallowed even from one mukim to the next?

3) Why aren’t you more specific what is essential instead of generalising them into sectors? Except for beauty and clothing industry, your announcements which includes medical, transport, food, manufacturing, construction and essential services industry would have let loose 90% of the rakyat to be on the streets daily.

By this, I am saying that if we were to give the health authority the benefit of the doubt that the figures weren’t tampered with, then it has 100% to do with your foolishness. I mean it is no longer ironical if cases continues to rise. Because the general reaction is that if cases spike in certain areas or states, or when certain places has confirmed cases, the rakyat would generally stay away.

Let me be clearer. No one wishes the mco to be extended except maybe you.

The First Time

An Indian lady visited a bar for the first time.

She sat at the table in front of the bar tender.

The guy on the left side ordered “Jack Daniels, Single.”

The guy on the right ordered “Johnnie Walker, Single.”

The bartender looked at the Indian lady and asked,

“And you?”

She replied, “Meenachi Shokalingam, Married.”

(Author Unknown)

Flagpole height

Two engineers employed by PAS was standing below a flagpole, looking up.*

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

“We are supposed to find out the height of the flagpole”, said one of them.

“But we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman said, “Hand me that wrench from your toolbox.

She loosened a few bolts, the pole fell down.

She then took the measuring tape from their toolbox, took the measurement and announced, “It’s eighteen feet, six inches”.

She then walked away.

The second engineer shook his head and laughed.

Quietly he said to the first engineer.

He said, “We needed the height, but she gave us the length!”

They both laughed.

(By the way, both engineers are still working for the Kelantan Government.)

(Author Unknown)

One for the Money, Two for the Show.

Husbands

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now – in her 80’s – a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it)

She smiled and explained,

“I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

(Author Unknown)

PDRM

“PDRM is just doing their duty and acting on complaints. I support them if they kick more of these youngsters off their motorbikes in Tj Tokong, Penang, zooming in and out of Tesco and the opposite school, as if it’s their grandfather’s road. No helmets, underage, speeding, not wearing masks, probably no license even and hopping onto motorcycles which are probably not even registered under their name. Already six offences. Should we sympathise them?

In fact I often wonder why there’s no action taken against these youngsters. But when there is, people are complaining about police brutality. Police brutality has been exploited to gain political mileage by many politicians to gain brownie points and to garner votes but In this case, to me, the police is never more right.”

Lost your sense of Smell

Went for a walk past a farm with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating.

She said: “How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?”

I replied: “He can smell she is ready. That’s how nature works.”

We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.

Again my girlfriend asked: “How does the ram knew when the ewe is ready for sex?”

I replied: “It’s nature. He can smell she is ready.”

We then went past another pasture and the bull was mating with the cow.

My girlfriend said: “This is odd. They are really going at it. Surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready?”

I said: “Oh, yes; it’s nature. All animals can smell when the female is ready for sex.”

Anyway, after the walk, I dropped her at home and kissed her goodbye.

She said: “Take care and get yourself tested for Covid-19.”

Surprised, “Why do you say that?” I asked her.

She replied: “You seem to have lost your sense of smell.”

(Author Unknown)

Numbers to subside?

“We dissolved Parliament but allow kindergartens to open. We disallow more than two people inside a private passenger car but we allow our public transport to run on full capacity. We were all asked to stay at home but allowed people to exercise in public places provided they observe social distancing. And we expect the numbers to subside? Wahai Malaysiaku!”

Power

“Power does strange things to many people.

In Malaysia, there are three distinct tiers of power we are subjected to and exposed to daily. The hereditary type, the political kind and the conferred sort.

The first is by way of lineage, your blood line, and sits right at the top of Mount Mahameru. Above law even. This is a non-negotiable birth right that entitles you to be the overlord of your state or country depending on the written rules in your constitution lest you abdicate.

The second, is by offering your unequivocal service to your country and by virtue of your status and portfolio, it lends you limited powers to steer the country and decide what is good for the people. You and all your cohorts are part policy maker, part administrator, part maintenance manager, part salesmen and part approving body. And because there are many tiers and divisions, each regulating a certain function, the machinery has churned out countless little napoleons capable of turning hopes into nightmares, not unless you can close one eye to bigotry, or wait till thy kingdom come for your application, whatever it is, to be processed.

Situations such as these could only be overturned by ‘Orang Besars’, powerful aristocrats endorsed by government or king which gave rise to the demand for conferments and awards, given yearly by the Agung, Sultans and government of the day to the deserving who has contributed significantly to the smooth running and dignity of our country be it by way or service, cash or kind.

Currently the most sought after award are the Tan Sri or Datukship for civilians which is equivalent to ‘Lordship or Sir’ in the British context. These awards exudes a certain halo over your head, an aura as you float and walk and alludes one a certain edge, respect and leverage over others. Thus, the egocentric rich seeks this as a form of power and the eccentric wannabes try to earn them, because it paves the way for more opportunities.

But titles such as these had been seen to have landed onto the lap of many questionable if not dubious characters. Recently a Datuk went to beat up a security guard and upon investigation, were found to be a gang leader. So how did he earn an award? The same way he beat up the guard? Many of them do not possess the disposition to carry well the titles given and in the end, brought shame, unnecessary attention and publicity worldwide to our doorstep, no thanks to their unscrupulous conduct and behaviour.

This begs the question. Who proposes and seconds their applications, and how are they linked to the recipient? And how does the approving body regulate and function? Does their induction classes include moral studies jammed down the throat of every school going children nowadays?

The latest case involves yet another Datuk who slaps two kids in a hot pot restaurant. And the two kids so happened to be the son of an influential Datuk and the daughter of a prominent Tan Sri. And the whole incident was captured on video by a Puan Sri. Such drama leaves a distaste in our mouths one wonders how many Tan Sris and Datuks are we hitting, if one throws a stone at the crowd? Why are there so many around? And should a review panel be formed if not a kpi to ensure they do not slack in their conduct? And if this is going to be the case, then should the police be more stringent when they apply for gun licences? I think that is not too much to ask for.”

Why was the Emergency lengthened?

“The MCO is for 2 weeks. Why was the Emergency then lengthened till August? And what will it be like for spm and stpm students caught in between when the funds allocated for schools is much lower than the religious bodies? Elsewhere, even in neighbouring countries, online home programs have been developed and expanded to take centre stage permanently. What’s our plan for uni intake etc? We’ll see as we go along? The same way it takes every two weeks to decide on fuel prices and lockdown status? This indefinite indecisive delayed action of yours is taking a toil on every trader out in the open. The worse part is when you claim the Emergency was for the prevention of Covid-19 spread but on national tv, you said it is to arrest the current political and economic instability. Just exactly what is the kind of political instability are we facing, and how do you arrest economic difficulty by imposing an MCO which retards trade? Someone finds you incapable or a coup d’etat is imminent soon? If you would have been more careful in your mathematics, you wouldn’t have faced unequivocal support because you are a minority government seeking mandate by a majority opposition!

No one feels there’s a threat except you!

I think there’s a lot of paranoia rooted in your pedantic actions that warrants a serious rewrite of our laws to cope with election laws and your insecurity, so why force yourself to form a back door government when you know very well every right citizens democratic votes have been taken off them?

Economic Powered World

“If this world can agree on a Father’s Day, a Mother’s Day, a New Years Eve celebration, and an Earth Hour, why can’t we altogether agree on a 30 days Lockdown month? It’s a one time thing! The objective is clear. Just set the date United Nations! The world comes to a collective economic halt for a month except for essential goods and services, government compensates to sustain every citizen, moratorium sidelined. Do we really want to arrest COVID-19 with untested vaccine? So that corrupt government of the day can benefit, the pharmaceuticals and medical industries benefit and let the strain live? The problem is the virus multiplies and spread faster than recovery!

Oh I know now why we can’t. It’s an economic powered world.”

Funds

“In Malaysia, professional views in art doesn’t matter. The untrained collector who invested heavily into works that doesn’t measure up to professional standards of artistic ability, aesthetic value and judgement based on narratives is going to bury you with their experience, and prove you wrong, no matter how you justify your pick, with their lukewarm enthusiasm. That’s because they have something you need but lack. Funds. Funds to tweak opinions, funds to ensure sustainability, funds to decide marketability. Funds matter. You don’t. Unless you parrot them.”

Side Emergency Door Government

A side emergency door gaffmen. No longer a back door gaffmen. Not since May 13, 1969, where the executive powers is transferred to the National Operations Council with absolute powers, since Parliament is declared suspended. That simply means they can conveniently enact any law they want, and arrest anyone they want, bypassing Parliament using COVID-19 as scapegoat. Currently three senior ministers has tested positive, which means, they would have been in contact with other parliamentarians, what more their sumptuous buffet in between. For those who opposes the current gaffmen, I think it’s time you run for your life. There could also be a coup d’etat.

Bedridden

It is apparent Umno is trying to wrest control of the country with our current pm allegedly bedridden and the dpm’s position lay hanging in the balance due to the disagreements between tun and muhyiddin. According to age old family agreement, hisamuddin was well underway to take over jib when surface developments went beyond their control. Hisamuddin, quick to read the undercurrent submerges to obscurity only to reappear after rumours of his seemingly red carpet secret meeting with the sultan of Johor surfaces, hinting at his possible climb to assume the top position, muhyiddin who is also from Johore. It is also an indication that Johore umno is selfishly capitalising on this opportunity which may see dsai’s or Tun’s opportunity thwarted under the weight of these unscrupulous frenemies.

Today’s announcement will be a good indicator of the direction this country will take and if muhyiddin is genuinely as per rumours, bedridden.

Switching to Telegram?

“Facebook owns Messenger owns Instagram owns WhatsApp. What makes you so sure they can’t buy up Telegram? Facebook have forewarned us that a merger between the chat stations is imminent long ago and now, is on the way to implement it. And without our approval, it’s against the law to move information about. They are not meant to make us jitter, paranoid or suspicious. My question is, are we that famous, popular or rich to feel threatened in the first place? Please give them a break. Do you know how many personnel’s it takes to manage those gossips of ours worldwide to warrant us to behave like cheap gung-ho who refuses even a usd2 fee to manage our profile but expects it to be free for a lifetime? And capitalise it as our own selling platform when there are other pay sites purpose fit to sell goods?”