Over smart Doctors

A doctor opens his clinic & pasted this notice outside the door:

“Any sickness, Rm300. Any sickness we can’t treat, YOU get back Rm1000!

A confidence trickster on reading this came in. He was so confident he could rip this doctor off. He said to the doctor, “Doctor, my tongue just can’t taste anything!” The doctor asks the nurse to put a few drops of medicine on his tongue from box no. 22. The man spontaneously shouts: “What d ___ …its URINE!!

The doctor says “Congratulations, your sense of taste is back now!” The man was dumbfounded as he loses Rm300.

Two weeks later he is back to seek revenge and claim back what he had lost.

“Doc, I’ve lost my memory!” he said. Again, the doctor told the nurse, “Nurse, could you please put a few drops of medicine from Box no 22 onto his tongue?” The confidence trickster jumps up before the nurse could do so and said “Wait doc! but that medicine is for my sense of taste!” “Very well” doctor said, “Your memory is back!”

Moral of the story: Don’t try to over-smart doctors…

(Author Unknown)

Scoreboard

A wife decided to play truant with her husband’s friend while her husband was fast asleep drunk. The friend was naturally worried because her husband is just lying next to them so he whispered into her ears “You think he’d wake up?”

Wife: “No, he won’t.”

Friend: “How do you know?”

The wife unzips her husband’s fly, pulled off one single pubic hair from the husband’s groin and say “See? I told you!”

The friend grinned and soon they were mooning away like buffaloes in heat!

After the first bout, the friend was again aroused. To convince themselves that her drunk husband is still asleep, again she did the same pubic hair trick for the second time. Well are they in luck or what? He is motionless!!

So for the second time there were moans and groans and fireworks until ecstasy overcame both of them.

The wife now being set aflame demanded for the third fling. Boy oh boy are they in the mood as the friend elbowed her to repeat the same insane act on her husband. Both went giggling with their hands covering their mouth. As she puts her fingers in fiddling with the husband’s fly, her enraged husband suddenly turned around and say, “Look, I don’t care how many times you guys wanted to fcuk each other but please stop using my pubic hair as your scoreboard!!!”

(Author Unknown)

Airplane Glue

Norman and Barry got married in California.

They couldn’t afford a honeymoon so they go back to Norman’s Mom and Dad’s house for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Norman’s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school,

he asks his mom if Norman and Barry are up yet. She replies, ‘No’.

Johnny asks, ‘Do you know what I think?’

His mom replies, ‘I don’t want to hear what you think! Just go to school.’

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, ‘Are Norman and Barry up yet?’ She replies, ‘No.’

Johnny says, ‘Do you know what I think?’

His mom replies, ‘Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school ‘

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, ‘Are Norman and Barry up yet?’

His mom says, ‘No.’

He asks, ‘Do you know what I think?’

His mom replies, ‘OK, now tell me what you think.’

He says: ‘Last night Norman came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.’

(Author Unknown)

Sister in law

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.

So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me.

I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over.

‘To check my Sister’s wedding- invitations’ she said.

She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me.

She couldn’t overcome them anymore.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.

She said “Before you commit your life to my sister”.

Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn’t say a word

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom” she said.

“If you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me”.

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment.

Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold! My entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me.

He said, ‘Paulie, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.

We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter.

Welcome to the family my son..’

… Well the moral of this story is:

“Always keep your condoms in your car”.

(Author Unknown)

Husband Shopping Center

A Husband Shopping Center just opened where women could just walked in and pick up a husband from amongst the many available there. It is laid out in five floors, each floor categorized with men of different attributes. However, there is one catch. If you do not choose a man from that floor, but wishes to ascend higher to try your luck, you cannot descend again except to exit the building. One woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the signboard says: Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman reads the sign. ‘Well that’s better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?’

So up she goes.

The second floor signage says: Floor 2: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

‘Hmm better.’ says the woman. ‘But, I wonder what’s further up?’

The third floor signage reads: Floor 3: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and helps with the housework.

‘Wow!,’ says the woman, ‘Very tempting. BUT, there must be better ones further up!’

So again, she goes up.

On the fourth floor the signage reads: Floor 4: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, helps with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

‘Oh, mercy me! But just think…what must be awaiting me on the last floor?

So up to the fifth floor she goes.

The signage on that door says: Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day.

(Author Unknown)

Ramasamy

Ramasamy is on his deathbed. He asked his nurse to be a witness to his will. His wife, his daughter and two sons are at his bedside.

“So”, he says to them:

“Lingam, I want you to take over the Jalan Duta houses…”

“Saraswathy, take over the apartments in Kota Damansara Place…”

“Jega, I want you to take over the offices in KL Sentral.”

“Letchumi, my dear wife, you can take over all the residential buildings in Bangsar.”

The nurse is amazed by all this, and as Ramasamy passes away, she says, “Mrs. Letchumi, your husband must have been such a hardworking man to be able to own all these properties.”

Letchumi replied, “Nonono! He delivers newspapers to all these places & now we have to take over and deliver newspapers to all these places lah…”

(Author Unknown )

Lone Ranger

Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,

‘Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?

‘The Lone Ranger replies, ‘I see millions of stars.’

“What that tell you?’ asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger pondered for a minute then says, ‘Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter Past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What’s it tell you, Tonto?’

“You dumber than buffalo shit. It mean someone stole our tent.”

(Author Unknown)