One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating durians. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since we lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small stall and the odor of durians was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the stall and before I knew it, I had consumed three large fruits. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
‘Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.’ He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The durians I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like half a ton of dried salted fish.
I fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking garbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused:
I nearly died!!!