Game of Kalituay

• Kalituay is a home grown game, fun and lively, played between two opposing teams. It’s origin can be disputed, but it has been played both in the kampongs as well as the city.

It demands the players to be agile with their eyes, swift with their reach, yet nimble on their legs and to win, and the running team should not be caught by the catching team.

The running team must compromise through each of the compartments from line 1 till line 4 and back to line 1 without being caught, hit, touched or slapped by anyone from the catching team.

A perfect run through scores 4 points for the running team. And deducted accordingly if one or more members are caught.

There are three sets for each opposing team, taking turns to be the runner as well as the catcher, and the team that scores highest in the run through without being caught wins the game.

Usually the court size will determine the number of people needed on one team and on a normal scale, a badminton court is ideal with each player from the catching side standing on lines 1,2,3 and 4 as guards. Only the player standing on line 1 is allowed to run up and down the spine and catch, touch, hit or slap any unsuspecting runner that lingers on its spine.

The game begins with both sides getting ready and one runner and the first catcher slapping their palms.

A referee can be appointed to dispute a hit.

(Image outsourced without permission)

Normalcy to return?

“It is coming to year end.

What most businesses anticipated, that normalcy will return, is clinging on to false hope. Except for businesses that deals with essentials, rental demands cannot cope with the rate of drop in sales, with most abandoning ship to cut losses, many resorting to online platforms. Thus landlords suffer and so are the lenders. That became the new norm. But can those in the non essential businesses, from f&b to travel, to accommodation, to sports, to ego pleasing and the pleasure industry, and many more survives this?

The sad truth is that the new normal already seeped into our lives long ago, when men went a-chasing for success and power, through greed and negligence. And forces the world to its knees, like an injured boxer, succumbing blow after blow, to its slip shot policies thus, the fatal knocks of 911, SARS, Fukushima, and now Covid-19. Where-forth thou is love, kindness, generosity, righteousness, goodness and empathy if one may ask?

They are at the ringside babe! They are at the ringside! Helping the boxer regain his strength with momentous fixes, while praying he will last till the end- instead of succumbing to a knockout…”

Conglomerate

If everyone dies old, heaven is but a large conglomerate of senior citizens.

How much are you giving?

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped a bus load of politicians, and *they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.*

“Otherwise, they’re going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car, collecting donations”.

“How much is everyone giving, on an average?” the driver asks…

The man replies, *”Roughly 2 litres.”

(Author Unknown)

This Student failed his Exam

(This student failed his exam.)

Is it logical? Let’s look at his answers and determine it for ourselves..

*Q1: IN WHICH BATTLE DID NAPOLEON DIE?*

“`HIS LAST BATTLE.“`

*Q2: WHERE WAS THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE SIGNED?*

“`AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.“`

*Q3: RIVER RAVI FLOWS IN WHICH STATE?*

“`LIQUID.“`

*Q4: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR DIVORCE?*

“`MARRIAGE.“`

*Q5: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR FAILURE?*

“`EXAMS.“`

*Q6: WHAT CAN YOU NEVER EAT FOR BREAKFAST?*

“`LUNCH & DINNER.“`

*Q7: WHAT LOOKS LIKE HALF AN APPLE?*

“`THE OTHER HALF.“`

*Q8: IF YOU THROW A RED STONE INTO THE BLUE SEA WHAT WILL IT BECOME?*

“`WET.“`

*Q9: HOW CAN A MAN GO EIGHT DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING?*

“`NO PROBLEM, HE SLEEPS AT NIGHT.“`

*Q10: HOW CAN YOU LIFT AN ELEPHANT WITH ONE HAND?*

“`YOU WILL NEVER FIND AN ELEPHANT THAT HAS ONE HAND“`

*Q11: IF YOU HAD THREE APPLES AND FOUR ORANGES IN ONE HAND AND FOUR APPLES AND THREE ORANGES IN OTHER HAND, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE?*

“`VERY LARGE HANDS“`

*Q12: IF IT TOOK EIGHT MEN TEN HOURS TO BUILD A WALL, HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE FOUR MEN TO BUILD IT?*

“`NO TIME AT ALL, THE WALL IS ALREADY BUILT“`

*Q13: HOW CAN YOU DROP A RAW EGG ONTO A CONCRETE FLOOR WITHOUT CRACKING IT?*

“`ANY WAY YOU WANT, CONCRETE FLOORS ARE VERY HARD TO CRACK.“`

(Author Unknown)

Barbeque

Men organising a BBQ on Whatsapp…..

* Man 1: * Hey guys, when are we going to have a bbq?

* Man 2: * Thursday at 8 pm at the “Man 9” house

* Man 1: * Okay, what do we take?

* Man 9: * I buy the meat and drinks, then we split.

* Man 5: * Ok

* Man 1: * Ok

* Man 3: * Ok

* Man 2: * Ok

* Man 4: * Ok

* Man 6: * Ok

* Man 7: * Ok

* Man 8: * Ok

* Man 10: * Ok

* Man 11: * Ok

* Man 12: * Ok

* Man 13: * Ok

* Man 14: * Ok

* Man 15: * Ok

*END OF CONVERSATION*

WOMEN organizing BBQ on WhatsApp

* Woman 1: * Hi guys, when are we going to meet and have a bbq?

* Woman 2: * Thursday at 8 pm?

* Woman 3: * Where?

* Woman 2: * I don’t know

* Woman 4: * Where girls?

* Woman 4: * If you want you can come to Mom’s house

* Woman 2: * Wouldn’t it be better to go to a restaurant?

* Woman 5: * No, in a house it’s better, so we don’t spend so much and we have more time

* Woman 2: * Ok by me

* Woman 3: * Ok

* Woman 5: * Ok

* Woman 4: * Ok

* Woman 6: * Okay what? Restaurant or home?

* Woman 2: * House

* Woman 7: * Restaurant

* Woman 2: * Let’s go to Woman 4’s house then

* Woman 3: * Okay, what do we take?

* Woman 8: * Does anyone know how to bbq?

* Woman 2: * I’m excited 👏🏻👏🏻

* Woman 6: * What will we buy?

* Woman 2: * Let’s make a list

* Woman 8: * Ok

* Woman 4: * A little meat and salad, what do you think?

* Woman 5: * Well I’m on a diet so I’m going to eat only lettuce and tomatoes

* Woman 2: * Okay, then?

* Woman 1: * I’ll make a list and each one says what they can bring

* Woman 2: * Greek salad

* Woman 3: * Quinoa

* Woman 4: * Sausage and potatoes

* Woman 5: * Lettuce, tomato and some vegetables for another salad

* Woman 1: * Okay, how much?

* Woman 6: * I don’t know

* Woman 2: * 5 sausages?

* Woman 2: * Who eats sausage?

* Woman 2: * I don’t

* Woman 5: * I don’t

* Woman 7: * I don’t

* Woman 3: * I don’t

* Woman 4: * I don’t

* Woman 8: * I don’t

* Woman 1: * Okay, I won’t buy sausage then

* Woman 2: * But you, Woman 4, why did you say you were going to buy sausage if you don’t eat it?

* Woman 4: * Because I had put myself in the shoes of someone who eats sausage

* Woman 1: * Ok, no sausage then

* Woman 1: * Sosaties and steak, 1 kilo and 1 kilo, okay?

* Woman 7: * It seems little

* Woman 1: * How much then?

* Woman 2: * I don’t know

* Woman 2: * Girls? What do you think?

* Woman 8: * I think it’s half a kilo per person

* Woman 4: * How many are we?

* Woman 1: * I don’t know. Girls, confirm who’s going

* Woman 2: * I will

* Woman 3: * I will

* Woman 5: * I will

* Woman 6: * I will

* Woman 7: * I will

* Woman 8: * I will

* Woman 9: * I will

* Woman 10: * I will

* Woman 11: * I will

* Woman 4: * When is it?

* Woman 2: * Thursday?

* Woman 4: * I can’t, I have a doctor’s appt

* Woman 2: * What bad luck, we dpn’t have a venue for the braai then?

* Woman 4: * Sorry girls, the reminder for this appointment just rang

* Woman 1: * What other house is available?

* Woman 8: * How many are we?

* Woman 2: * 10

* Woman 3: * It doesn’t fit in my house

* Woman 5: * Not mine either

* Woman 6: * Not mine either

* Woman 7: * Much less in mine

* Woman 8: * Not mine either

* Woman 9: * Not mine either

* Woman 10: * In mine it may… but I need chairs, can someone bring?

* Woman 2: * Woman 11 has a chair rental shop, she can take

* Woman 5: * But she doesn’t answer, she must be working

* Woman 9: * I don’t eat sausage

* Woman 2: * We still need to find a venue

* Woman 12: * Sorry girls, I just got on the phone, what happened?

* Woman 2: * We are still looking for a venue

* Woman 12: * Come to my house, no stress

* Woman 2: * Ok, excellent

* Woman 12: * Wait … what day?

* Woman 2: * Thursday at 8 pm

* Woman 12: * Huummmmm that complicates things … can it be on Wednesday?

* Woman 2: * Fine by me

* Woman 2: * Same time?

* Woman 2: * Yes?

* Woman 3: * I will

* Woman 4: * I will

* Woman 5: * I have to take Gabi to her grandmother’s house, but I can go later after she falls asleep

* Woman 8: * Okay.

* Woman 9: * I will

* Woman 6: * I will

* Woman 7: * I will

* Woman 11: * I will

* Woman 2: * Done, Wednesday at the home of Woman 12.

* Woman 3: * Yes

* Woman 1: * Girls, coming back to the braai.. do I buy half a kilo per person?

* Woman 8: * Yes

* Woman 1: * Ok, so I’ll ask Pieter to buy

* Woman 2: * Ok… and what will we do about drinks?

* Woman 3: * Each one takes whatever they drink and that’s it

* Woman 9: * I can’t because I go straight from work

* Woman 6: * Well, Woman 1 better buy everything and split up later

* Woman 1: * Girls, I can’t buy everything, does anyone give me a hand?

* Woman 6: * I’ll help, what do you drink girls?

* Woman 2: * Coke Zero

* Woman 4: * Water

* Woman 5: * Natural juice

* Woman 6: * Sparkling water

* Woman 9: * Aloe water

* Woman 3: * Girls, can we buy Peach Iced tea?

* Woman 8: * Let’s go to a restaurant girls,that’s less effort

* Woman 2: * I think so too

* Woman 4: * Me too

* Woman 6: * Me too

* Woman 7: * Me too

* Woman 9: * Me too

* Woman 11: * Me too

* Woman 12: * Me too

* Woman 1: * Ahhh no girls, I already sent Pieter to buy everything, we have to bbq

* Woman 2: * Uhh crap…

* Woman 4: * I want water, but it has to be Bonaqua that has less sodium, so I don’t get bloated

* Woman 1: * Girls, can we organize please ?????

* Woman 2: * Ok

* Woman 6: * Ok

* Woman 4: * Ok

* Woman 9: * Ok

* Woman 5: * Ok

* Woman 8: * Ok

* Woman 11: * I don’t eat sausage either

* Woman 5: * (sending a chain) Girls… please share… The dog is called BOB… he got lost yesterday near the station, if everyone works together we can find him and get him bacl to his owners… They must be worried sick!

* Woman 6: * Yes, poor BOB

* Woman 9: * BOB is beautiful!! What breed is he?

* Woman 5: * I don’t know … got this on my yoga group

* Woman 2: * But do you know the owners?

* Woman 5: * No, but I felt sorry for BOB

* Woman 1: * Pieter called me from the butcher shop saying they don’t have steak, what else should we get?

* Woman 2: * I prefer chorizo steak

* Woman 4: * Me too

* Woman 1: * Girls, we can decide right away because Pieter is going to kill me, he’s at the butcher shop waiting for us to decide

* Woman 6: * I think it is unfair to always be like this, we are always the same ones that organize everything and nobody else is moved to do anything

* Woman 10: * Hi girls, I just woke up and I have 369 messages in our group, what happened??

* Woman 3: * I’ll tell you………….

(Author Unknown)

THE BRONZE RAT

A Tourist walked into a

Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at

the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike,

life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat?” Ahhh, you have chosen

wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story,”

said the wise old chinaman.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.

As he walked down the street

carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.

Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster!

Terrified, he ran to the edge

of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the

curio shop in Chinatown.

Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story?”

No sir,” said the man,

I came back to see if

you have a bronze Umno member”.

Every time it Rains

Every time it rains,

I imagine

cuddling you in my arms ,

and smell your hair..

The trickles,

reminds me of the seconds

on the face of

a clock,

and how much we have wasted

over trivial matters..

when we could use them

for love..

I have never forgotten

to love you

Even when it rains

Every time it rains

Let it stream down your heart

and gutter into a pool

Filled with love

In my heart

Let it striate the fog

off our windows

And remove the gale from our eyes

Each time it rains

Every time it rains..

-Kris Lee 2020.

Will not Live to see That Day

Three old men went to see God.

The 1st old man an American, asked God when will his country come out of recession.

“100 years,” God said.

The American started crying. “I will not live to see that day”

2nd man a Russian, asked God “When will my country become prosperous?”

50 years, came the reply.

The Russian too started crying. “I will not live to see that day.”

Finally third man, a MALAYSIAN asked God,”when will my country become corruption free?”

God started crying. I will not live to see that day.

(Author Unknown)

Withers

“Flowers, they all looked pretty and fragile, yet could weather the storm. But the strongest of man withers in a gale.”

– Kris Lee 2020.

Tiandihui in Malaya

The triads were very much the make-up of overseas Chinese in Malaya back in the 1800s, with 7 out of 10 persons either belonging to one brotherhood or the other, depending on which side bullies them. It is an olden day form of a trade union, and it propagated mutual aid and a sense of security to individuals indeed, if one works in the mining field. And a strong cluster cannot be overstated in the wake of problems encountered in a land alien to them. Every member undergoes induction rites and their rituals took on the version of their Chinese counterpart, the ‘Tiandihui’ , otherwise known as the ‘Heaven Earth Sect’ – a Ming loyalists secret society that originates to resist the invasion of Manchus during the Qing Dynasty.

In Malaya, their sworn brotherhood and protectionist policy instinctively appeals to many, especially when succumbed to duress or bully. Their brotherhood ensures peace, and a stable income for all. And so it was, that the British had a hard time flushing them out that gradually, a triad member named Yap Ah Loy had to be deployed to mediate and ensure peace on behalf of their rule.

Gang wars was a natural occurrence then, when differences cannot be reconciled, and some went full blown, making its way into our annals of history. Every initiated member were issued weapons, many self made, the most popular being the Malay parang once used for clearing lands is now used for butchering, the trident-like spears, wooden poles, and of course, knuckle dusters (a recent find shown below) which delivers excruciating pain when a blow is received.

Gradually, the British, in dire straits and concern over their strength, devised a way to outlaw these secret societies, by encouraging them to register their societies legally, so that every member is a statistic, on the pretext of being philomantic to their cause, grouping themselves by the district that one originates, by dialect spoken, by common surname, and by the trade one belongs to. Of course many remained undercover to work their so called secret activities.

(Below: a zoomorphic shaped bronze knuckle duster)

Miscounted

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“Nonsense,” said the wife. “You’re so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.” The husband climbed out of bed and counted. “One, two, three, four. You’re right, you know.”

(Author Unknown)