Once upon a time in Victorian England

A newly commissioned, just posted cornet stands at attention in his splendid blue and gold Hussar uniform, and smartly salutes the colonel who has specially selected him to join his crack cavalry regiment.

‘At ease, dear boy’, smiles the colonel. ‘And for God’s sake, relax! We don’t stand on ceremony or spit and polish here… the troop sergeants drill the men, and we officers sleep in and have fun all day! Mondays we drink! We all head for the Mess, where we guzzle port, whiskey, champagne, wine, brandy, vodka- the lot until we’re completely blotto!’

‘Actually, Sir, I don’t drink.’

‘Ah. Well, Tuesdays, we gamble! We all head for the Mess, and play baccarat, pontoon, vingt-et-un, bridge, poker- huge stakes! Absolute fortunes have been won and lost at the turn of a card!’

‘Actually, Sir, I don’t gamble.’

‘Ah. Well… Wednesdays! You’ll love Wednesdays! We all head for the Mess, and have in a LOVELY selection of popsies! Gorgeous little tarts- all shapes, all sizes, all colours, all ages, all dressed in their frillies, and we…

‘‘Erm…Actually, Sir, I don’t like… using women in that fashion.’

‘Good God, my boy!’, says the colonel. ‘What are you, gay or something?’

‘Actually, Sir, no, I’m not.’

‘Ah’, says the colonel, shaking his head sadly. ‘ Well, in that case, you’re not going to like Thursdays much either.’

(Author Unknown)