Scrape Defence Budget

“Why keep the defence ministry when a single virus released through the air can be directed to attack a certain organ, a certain cell, or a certain age group? All your gallant decorations, fighter jets, guns and fighting men is altogether redundant when every soldier has to worry for himself than others he is fighting with. This world has changed. And every country running on a tight budget will now have a breather if defence budget is scraped.”

Politician

An old kampung imam had a teenage son. He thought it was about time he gave the boy some guide on choosing his future profession.

Like many young men his age, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concern about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects.

1. The Holy Quran.

2. A fifty ringgit note.

3. A bottle of whiskey.

4. And a Playboy magazine.

“I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old imam said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up.”

“If it’s the holy book, he’s going to be an imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!”

“If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he’s going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.”

“But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be.”

“And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room….

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and places it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a gulp while he admired the magazine’s centerfold.

“God have mercy,” the old imam disgustedly whispered…. “He’s going to be a Politician!!

(Author unknown.)

Little Akio

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some History.

Who said ‘Give me Liberty , or give me Death’?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan , who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said.

“Very good! — Who said, ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth’?”

Again, no response except from Little Akio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing, “Let’s try one a bit more difficult

Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’?”

Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.”

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “F—k the Japs.”

“Who said that? — I want to know right now!? she angrily demanded.

Little Akio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.’

The teacher glares around and asks, ‘All right! — Now who said that?”

Again, Little Akio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? — Suck this!”

Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit! — If you say anything else — I’ll kill you!”

Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.”

The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, We’re screwed!”

Little Akio said quietly, “The people of Malaysia, when Najib was made Prime Minister, March 2009!

(Author Unknown.)