A couple who during a vacation in Thailand ordered a massage session in their room. One for his wife and one for himself.
After massaging for awhile, the masseur told the man “Massage Pinis!”
The man looked sheepishly, but kept quiet, looking shiftily at his wife.
The Thai masseur again said “Massage Pinis!”
There was silence, yet again.
Finally, his wife spoke…
“Don’t have high hopes my dear, she is simply telling you “Massage finish!”
(Author Unknown)
There is this Law firm (LEE & LEE Associates) owner who is very superstitious. His fengshui master told him that he can only hire lawyers with the surname “LEE” to work for him, and strangely he manages to get all the lawyers with the surname LEE to work for him!
One day my friend Tuna Singh who has just graduated from a law school applied for a job with LEE’s Law firm. He was asked to come for an interview.
During the interview everything went smoothly. Except that at ,the end, LEE told TunaSingh…
LEE : I’m actually very implessed with your resume, but there is one problem.
Tuna : What is the problem sir?
LEE : Well you see . . . I only hire lawyers with the surname LEE or at least closely related to “LEE” but your name is Tuna Singh. I dont see it has any relation to “LEE” so…
Tuna : Are you a racist?
LEE : Sorry, but this is what my fengshui master told me.. I dare not defy his request.
Tuna : Ok, I understand…
LEE : Thank you for your time and effort.
That night TunaSingh came to tell us his problem and asked us if we could help him to come up with a name that is closely related to “LEE”. After hours of yam Seng, we finally found a name that is 100% suitable to him.
Next day TunaSingh went back to find LEE…
LEE : Eh . . . TunaSingh, I thought I told you we only hire lawyers with names that are closely related to “LEE?’
Tuna : Yes ! That’s the reason why I come back here. To get the job!
LEE : But your name does not have any relations with “LEE..!”
Tuna : Oh don’t you worry! I have consulted my Chinese friends… They say I am a LEE.
LEE : Huh? You are a LEE? What LEE?
Tuna : “Bangga-LEE” Sir!
.
.
(No offence to my Punjabi , Singh, Indian readers.
(Author Unknown)
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, “Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.”
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, “Let’s swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.”
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
“Look,” she said, “I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.”
(Author Unknown)
The seabirds have flown
The grasses have turned brown
What are we but burnt sand
If hearts that bind no longer shine
But wilt in the golden meadow.
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a Mental Hospital. He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home.
He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
As he can’t fish the bolts out, he started to panic. One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there’s nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said “can’t even fix such a simple problem… No wonder you are destined to be a truck driver…”
“What you can do is, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that”
The driver was very impressed and asked: “You’re so smart but why are you here at the Mental Hospital?”
Patient replied: “Hello, the reason I’m inside here is because I’m Crazy. Not STUPID!!!
(Author Unknown)
fiveloaf 