In a church in one Sunday morning a preacher said,
“Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front of the altar.”
With that, Peter got in line and when it was his turn the Preacher asked,
“Peter, what do you want me to pray about for you?”
“Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.”
The preacher put one finger of one hand on Peter’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Peter’s head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
“Peter, how is your hearing now?”
“I don’t know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the magistrate court.”
One Joke a Day
*Army Captain Caught Having Sex with a Camel*
A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert . During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.
The nervous Sergeant said, “Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That’s why we have Molly The Camel.”
The Captain said, “I can’t say that I condone this, but I can understand about the ‘urges’, so the camel can stay.”
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own ‘urges’. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel. When he’s done, he asked the Sergeant, “Is that how the men do it?”
“No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That’s where the girls are.”
1. When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big Tits.
2. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
3. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency. She was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. I decided I needed a girl with stability.
4. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
5. When I was 30, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
6. When I turned 40, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
7. I’m much older and wiser now, and I’m looking for a girl with big tits.
When I was about 9 years old, my father forced me to go with him to the funeral of a friend of his that I didn’t know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to go. Then a man approached me and said: Enjoy life boy, be happy because time flyes, look at me now, I didn’t enjoy it, he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled that the man who was talking to me when I was in the corner was the same man in the Coffin.
For several years later, I was not able to sleep properly with repeated nightmare and psychological disorder, I was terrified of being alone, I visited many psychologist, I didn’t turn off the light at night and several other turmoil that I had to endure throughout my adolescent ages.
Years later I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
*That dead idiot had a twin brother*