Never Forget You

Last weekend, my daughter and I were checking out a house she was interested in buying. When the owner came to the door, she looked at me and said, “Roger? I know you. We were good friends when we were young. I’m Rose. Don’t you recognise me?”

I drew a complete blank.

She showed me an old black and white framed picture of her when she was a teenager — still nothing.

She then went in her room, took out a shoe box full of old trinkets, flipped through them, took out an old faded b&w photo and handed it to me. At the bottom of my photo I had written, “Rose, I will never forget you.”

(Author Unknown)

Funny short jokes 2

1. What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant;

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;

Panic is when both are pregnant!

2. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!

3. A young boy asks his Dad: “What is the difference between confident and confidential?”

Dad says: “You are my son, I’m confident about that.

Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!”

4. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman,

“Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied , “My husband’s cheque book!”

5. A prospective husband in a book store:

“Do you have a book called, Husband the Master of the House? ”Sales Girl :

“Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!

6. Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife “Darling, Honey, Love.” What’s the secret?”

Old man : “I forgot her name and I’m too scared to ask her!”

7. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day.

Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!

(Author Unknown)

Still inside the ditch

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiney new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, “Are you okay?”

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for…

“I’m okay I think,” I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

“That’s nice of you,” I answered, but I don’t think my wife will like me doing that!

“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse,” she insisted. “I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly.”

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, “I’m sure my wife won’t like this.”

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I’d better go now.”

“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. “Stay for a while…

She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Still inside the ditch with my Harley, I guess.”

(Author Unknown)

Grandma

“I have a natural fondness for my grandma. She cares for me, laughs with me, and tells me stories about her past, and about dad and his siblings. Many a night I share her bed until mom decided that children should not be sleeping with old people, as according to her traditional belief, they will suck the life energy out of the younger generations. Most of all, she makes me feel safe each time I was abused by mom for reasons unknown. Many a time, she took the beating meant for me and releases me from the toilet dungeon I was in. Once she receives a flower pot on her head trying to protect my dad against the wrath of my mom. She is my real life guardian angel. She is self sacrificing and the greatest nanny one could ever wish for. If there’s anyone whom I’d like to meet again , it is her Mdm Ooi Hoe. She deserves this tribute because I just dreamt of her. And memories came flashing back.

Love you grandma. Your sacrifices is immense. I can’t imagine how both grandpa and you could endure the rough sail hibernating in a bumboat for months to reach nanyang to find new hope for all of us.”

Of molehills and beehives

“The meaning and purpose of life become clearer when we look closer at the ants and the bees. As earthlings, we are all destined to build kingdoms just like they do, their many molehills and hives, amidst all the grandeur the kingdom of God has to offer. Except that as people, our ways are a little more complex than theirs given that we were deprived of feathers,furs and fins but was endowed with grey matters significantly larger than theirs. And we got sidetracked somehow whilst building the biggest molehill on earth, we wanted it to touch the Sky. But as the story goes, God did not allow it to happen. Anyway, so eventually, the whole world will, if fate would have it, come together as one, if all of us fight for a common good to save our planet from destruction, and build and build sensible things within and beyond. What we do with ourselves daily as we contribute to the growth is the little little rejoices and surprises we are rewarded with for efforts well spent just like the ants and the bees, occasionally stumbling upon some exotic nectar, or upsets even, as they fall into pit-holes and traps.”

Kris Lee 2019.

It’s an asshole!

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for a clue.

The dad said, “Well, it’s what mummy calls me sometimes.”

The little girl screams to her brother, ” Don’t eat it!

It’s an *ass hole* ! ”

(Author Unknown)