Mediocre

“I am not intimidated by you if you are the first to do it. I am only intimidated if you are the first to do it and you did it well. For if not, you are only setting a chain of standards that others follow which is the result of how the market is, mediocre like you today. No thank you to you for being the first.”
– Kris Lee 2018.

Exceeded Excrete Life

“I’m at an age where I’m supposedly marked ‘safe’. There’re no urges I cannot explain, I don’t ogle at freshly baked muffs, and I walked around gleefully, pretending to look young but inimitably, all my good ol’ features kept wasting away and cranking at the joints. In a few years time, I will be entitled to benefits accorded my age. Civil society had it all thought out already- designated foot paths, regular health checks, cinema and travel concessions, stuffs which are ironically more useful to me when I was younger. All except for that which I grimace and longed to have, but quite incapable of performing.
Age does strange things to one’s eyesight really. Wrinkles vanished completely from everyone you gaze at and older women suddenly looks sweet and desirable. At times, you see multiples of them instead of one.
Alas! and after I have exceeded excrete life and my opinions no longer reverberates the eardrums of my dear shadow cabinet congregating at the regular coffee shops, the only muscle flex I’d be left with would be the drool flowing down the corner of my mouth each time a temptress straddles by. It’s so surreal really.
And what do you know? My whole person is already stammering but my beloved bloke snugging in between my crotch still thinks he is the next superhero!
Come to think of it, getting older could be fun. When you’re asked to do something that you’re lazy about? and you point to your neck or wherever while cringing your face..
Anyway, the rest of my time I guess would be spent monologuing and bumping onto furniture corners.. Then wait for the day when they tagged me with a champagne glass’ and an ‘umbrella’ symbol followed by ‘This Side Up’. “

Procreate, Populate and Prostrate

If what Carl Jung says was true, that man thinks of sex all the time, then man’s purpose is just to procreate, populate and prostrate- to God. Thus God’s purpose is to plant, prune, then pick the best harvest out of his vineyard to export to heaven. As for the rest,
God just pee them off the face of the earth.

Retirement Benefits

US Army recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They went through lots of retirement plans but nothing seems to please everyone.

In the end, desperate, they promised any general who retired immediately, his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general’s body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet.

He walked out with a check of $720,000.

The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his up-stretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.

When the third general, a grizzled old Marine General, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: “From the tip of my penis to my testicles.”

The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine general insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he’d better get the medical officer to do the measuring.

The medical officer attended to him and asked the general to drop ’em off. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general’s penis and began to work back.

“My God!” he said, “Where are your testicles??”

“Vietnam,” smiled the general.

(Author Unknown)

Monopoly

“Market forces and demand varies the world over. Thus, to market a fair

that claims to cut across the continents is amusing, if not to continuously

keep the pecan pie to yourself by killing two birds with one stone,

1) by depleting the coffers of smaller galleries by inducing them to pay

exorbitant fair charges which stumps their cash flow and stunt their growth;

and

2) using those gains to boost and sustain the star status of bigger galleries

and their artists thus deflating the prospect of smaller galleries, all in the

name of western monopoly.”