I’m also coming!

Johnny walked into class with a black eye.

Teacher: What’s wrong Johnny?

Johnny: We lived in a small house. Me, my mum and dad sleep on the same bed.

Every night, my dad asks, “Johnny, are u sleeping?” Then I said “No and he slaps me then gives me the black eye!”

Teacher: “Tonight when your dad ask you again, just keep dead quiet and don’t answer!”

The following morning, Johnny comes back to school with a black eye again.

Teacher: “My goodness! Why the black eye again?”

Johnny: “Dad asked me again, Johnny are you sleeping?

And I kept quiet and kept dead still.

Then my dad and my mum started moving you know, and at that same time, my mum was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed.”

Then my dad asked my mum, “Are you coming?”

Mum said, “Yes I’m coming. Are you coming too?”

Dad answered, “yes.”

Well they don’t usually go anywhere without me so I said, “Wait for me, I’m also coming!”

(Author unknown)

Mediator

“Mankind needs a mediator. Apart from these two middle eastern guys with differing lifestyles who preaches contradictory teachings about salvation that got the world tied up in knots. You’re proud of that? I’m not proud of that. I only belief in the omnipresence of goodness and kind hearted souls who doesn’t scheme as they talk, all for the goodness of they themselves. Maybe it’s the curly hair prince in saffron robes from Asia that has the panacea. Maybe it’s the Garuda or some elephant god people revere to. Just maybe. No wonder the Jewish keeps knocking their heads on the walls.

Chiak Thor Tau, Chiak Lau Lau

“Chiak Thor tau,
Chiak Lau Lau.”
Is a Hokkien Rhyme frequently uttered during Chinese New Year. Translated to mean “Eating groundnuts, ensures longevity.”, it became customary to serve groundnuts during Chinese New Year because of this belief in the rhyme but Groundnuts, as according to old wives tales, is the primary culprit towards the dwindling of our Chinese population because it suppresses the male libido. Perhaps. Since peanut butter is very much paired to Elvis, and his underperformance as stated in Pricilla’s memoir. Anyway it’s just a tale. Nothing serious.

Mai Khiam Kuay Ni

“Mai Khiam Kuay Ni” is a Hokkien saying uttered before Chinese New Year. Translated, it means “don’t defer your debts till the next year”. Though this has no real life connotation as most big companies does owe, it grew into a widespread belief somehow rooted into the community. But no doubt it has its goodness. It’s good practice not to be a lousy paymaster because everyone during the festive season needs cash to prepare for the yearly ritual and celebration hence the practice of giving bonuses a week before Chinese New Year. Just like problems that doesn’t get solved, it will slowly pile up into one big unsolvable package. Below is the image of God of Wealth a deity if placed in your home will ensure prosperity in your household.

Commercialism in Art

“The commercial side of art is not a mystery. Rather it is a full scale promotional system devised to promulgate art to the interest of the masses necessary for the survival and sustainability of both art as well as the artist. Thus, those who taboo the money side of art are generally those who are ignorant but eager, thirsty yet proud, and have variegated unsuccessfully through its maze partly because they do not understand the ropes of commercialism and in disappointment, ended up falling back in denial into their own mini urban circle called desk then tries to condemn the entire goodness of commercialism in writing. In short, they are jealous to the extent of desiring to harm their successful comrades with their own idea of taboo.”

Correcting Peranakan Popular Believes

“The Peranakans weren’t Chinese immigrants who adopted the culture of the Malay archipelago. The word “adopted” as opposed to “adapt” is similar but not the same. It was more of an intercultural amalgamation at a time which saw different communities living together happily which resulted in the assimilation of local lingua into their colloquial and vice versa but of course there are amongst them, intermarriages, which saw Malay maidens being welcomed into the Chinese household. The Peranakans were and is truly Chinese whom at that time are pseudo-Buddhist hence their Confucian and Taoist values, rites, beliefs and practices. Cuisine is purely Chinese but a little experimentation with local spices and adaptation of cooking styles of other inhabitants led to newer recipes considered distinctive to the Peranakans. The comparison of taste from different curries will tell you. However, the many claims by die hard peranakans with regards to recipes such as Jew hu char, bali juak, kiam chye ark and curry kapitan has no basis simply because they were truly Hokkien and Hainanese dishes and not as claimed by these pseudo Peranakans. Most of these recipes were and is still found on the altar and offering tables of the Hokkien community during cultural and divine festivities which were by and large the single largest grouping ever to span the Straits Settlements thence comprising Penang, Malacca, Singapore, Cocos Keeling Islands and Dindings in Perak. Marital, birth and funerary rites were strictly pseudo-Buddhism celebrated in compliance to the Chinese calendar. The Peranakan’s ostentatious taste of finery, garnitures, crockery, embroidery, clothing and furniture are mostly commissioned from countries within and beyond the Malay archipelago, the most obvious being namwood furnitures from China and Czechoslovakian designed coffee shop chairs and enameled tiffin carriers. However it must be noted that highly skilled local craftsmen of Shanghainese origin were also producing pseudo-Victorian era furnitures and architectural motifs to cater to the taste of their English-speaking ponytailed clienteles. These often comprises sideboards, roofing gables and umbrella stands and they usually spot marble tops, claw feet and barley twist balustrades. The habit of chewing tobacco and betel nut is not Malay but archipelagic as observed from the designs of the sireh cutter which were folkloric to the Hindus. Peranakans has their own perkakas. The habit of wearing Baju panjangs and kebayas were a fashion statement of that time. However it should be noted that the keronsang that adorns the blouse differ in taste and make and so are the appliqués .

Women as compared to Men

“Women are vulnerable creatures. But they make better friends. They are more emotionally attuned than the male specie and instinctively more mature and understanding. That’s the reason I have multitudes of girl friends. And each of them is close to me, as a friend, in a special way. A plateau no man could get close to, nor reach.
Men are different. Men are such emotional wrecks. Put them in an emotionally charged situation and they loses control of their mind, and body. They scream their lungs out, shook like a 7.0 Richter tremor and thus, many a time, endangers their surroundings and they themselves even. Those are the ways of men.”-

Tall Order

“Is art a new form of religion? Cos in our midst are plenty of artists whom are prepared for a lifelong meditation of fasting and sacrificial penance, seeking institutional alms to feed their thoughts that seldom translate into tangible works. The key word here for artist and would be artists is to harness your thoughts into good “tangible” works just as an author harness their thoughts into good books and an industrial designer harness their thoughts into good goods. Keep on harnessing your thoughts and you are just a dreamer or a thinker or maybe some deranged artivist limboing somewhere between heaven and earth not knowing when to land. And thinking is vital to make good art. An artist needs to always think about the subject matter, the concept, the colors, composition, space,technique, balance, proportion, form and originality. Size matters also as some works are better large than small. Last but not least, good works needs to be thought provoking so title plays a very important role in delivering the message across. The success of an artist will leverage on all the points above which sums off each work as either good or bad not forgetting fostering correct connections, working on your inter-relationships, focus, discipline, consistency, besides contesting for awards and recognition. Eloquence and personality is in-built therefore some artists are better off hung on the shelf to be admired next to their paintings. Quite a tall order for many to achieve.”

Truly Ever Lived

“No one can say that they truly ever lived if they live within the constraints of moral decency, within the rule of law, within the margins set by their own religion and upbringing. In life, we are all constricted truly, by limited freedom set within the standards of social norms and codes. We live oppressed to appease everyone except ourselves- being triggered by a cyclic motion men chooses to follow without ever questioning or knowing why because we’re all too lazy to think thus act accordingly to the revered perfect sentient being so claimed by others to be. Because of this, we can’t say that we are truly free. It’s only when we are truly free, then can we say that we truly ever lived.