Go to Hell

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

“Gentlemen,” the Devil started… “Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.

If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.”

The philosopher then stepped up, “OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates’ teachings.”

With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.

The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.

“Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked… “Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!”

With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.

The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.

“Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, “Bring me a chair!” The Devil brought forward a chair. “Drill 7 holes on the seat.” The Devil did just that.

The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, “Which hole did my fart come out from?”

The Devil inspected the seat and said,”The third hole from the right.”

“Wrong,” said the idiot, “it’s from my asshole.”

And the idiot went to heaven.

(Author Unknown)

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise.

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina.

(Author Unknown.)