chasing a fat dream
patching a torn seam
is love a racing stream
are we a winning team
.
hung from a roof beam
placid like shaving cream
when water turns to steam
my eyes no longer gleam
.
.
.
-
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fiveloaf 
An unexpected turn of events with a sad ending. Thought provoking.
🙂
Hello Kris,
This is a very lively play with words.
Light-hearted and moodily heavy.
I like it!
Best wishes,
Eileen 🙂
meant to be eileen and thanks..
Very thought provoking.
This is an excellent poem
thanks rich..
love the shaving cream imagery!!!!
thanks wordy and welcome to my blog.. feel free to browse anytime..
Kris, I thought this was quirky and cute. I liked the rhyming and play on words. Nice.
~ C
you liked it cheryl? haha thanks! i have never written anything rhymie before and i was wondering why most poets does it and so, for the first time i tried.. only mine is a bit quirky eh? hahaha!
fiveloaf
I am not so sure ‘quirky’ is the right term here. A creative & poetic use of descriptive is what you used to make your poem flow with a cadence & rhythm . nicely done you took me on poetic ride with my emotions. sweet.
joanny
aaaaww joanny- you are flaterry flattery haha!
I hope you are not offended by my use of the word ‘quirky’, fiveloaf of joanny.
I did not mean it in a bad way.
I thought it was very sweet and I know rhyming poetry is not easy but you did it in a fun way. That’s all I meant.
~ C
of course not cheryl! no worries..
and I shout and scream
Yes, you are a winning team
Keep up the energy and steam
Eyes would certainly gleam
For that’s waht it should be, will be and perhaps is…
I like the play of words here.. and thanks for your wonderful comments on my page..
this is a nice addition ramesh- you are so gifted!
‘chasing a sad dream” chasing dreams in itself is sad and we chase because one knows not when we might be able to catch it. one can only hope
thanks buddhaaah..
Such a good beat..it goes so many places..excellent!
kinda have a lazy tone to it right? haha! thanks lyn for your comments..
love this…
“hung from a roof beam
placid like shaving cream”
thanks my friend for your support. you never fail ..
sad but lovely..
thanx for visiting me….
no prob dakshima and thank you for your comment..
I think you did a nice job going from high(anticipation) to low(sadness) with your rhyme scheme.
haha and it takes a you suzi to feel it.. thanks!
wow. what a pretty rhyme 🙂
love it! xx
my first rhyme so am i in the club now haha? i was wondering why are poets rhyming and then i discovered- haha! it is easier than anything else..
oh, you’re defo in the club 🙂 lol
Fascinating blog. Not least this post.
you flatter me david are you haha?
Quite a feat… rhyming all the way down and still taking us on a ride! great job Fiveloaf!
haha- have a great year end 2z…
great work! you never cease to amaze me fivey! keep it up!
thanks guildmaster..
Lovely play with words… Thought-provoking 🙂
thanks mag
interesting read 🙂 i always look forward to what you’re gonna write, because I never know what to expect, but I’m sure I’ll like it
what a comment bella and.thanks!