I can feel
how you feel
when you are down
.
can you feel
how I feel
when you are down?
.
when you are down
how you feel
I can feel..
.
when you are down
how I feel
can you feel?
.
.
.
-
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fiveloaf 
i like the twisted repetition. interesting effect. i like 🙂 xx
thank you glitter..
Boy, I had to stop and think…what a twist!
haha shall i rename it the twist?…. 🙂
This is neat!
thank you tekia..
And age old question with a fresh twist … an answer.
thank you ijm,, and welcome to my humble blog..
It’s good to have complete empathy..have to read it more than once..good!!
🙂 thank you lyn- my english is simple..
nicely written poem. Thanks for your kind comments.
no prob kathe.. and thank you for your comment..
Cool effect…Going down! It was kind of like falling. Awesome Fiveloaf!
thanks stuart..
Nice twist.
you have confirmed it- it shud be renamed twist haha or is it a new poem form? gee! but thanks anyway chris for your comment!
using only a few words to give meaning! Nice!
thanks strummed words.. i thought that was enough really- did i miss out on anything? gee- i dont know..
Kris,
A very thoughtful enquiry.
Best wishes, Eileen
thank you eileen..
Nice wordplay. Awesome. 🙂
The repetition is effective…is this a form poem?
i am an amateur who writes in simple understandable language and i recognise that most of the time, i express myself better with fewer words and with the same words mentioned repeatedly, i feel it not only lends consistency to the poem, i am stuffing that word into the mind of the reader- makes it easier to remember haha! with regards to the certain form or style i am adapting, gee- i really dont know! i create my own cos i love to conceptualise! perhaps a more learned poet could advise you on that and i myself would be terribly excited to know if ever there is a form or style here. thank you for comments liv and have a nice day!..
maybe my previous posting “relent” would interest you liv? 🙂
clever wordplay… always enjoy visits to the House of Loaves
Cheers mate
Luke @ WordSalad
thanks buddy!
I like this…goes back and forth, up and down, in and out, to me and you
🙂
thanks keshav..
Nicely done! I love the layers in the simplicity!
thank you tammy and welcome to my blog!
I can and do feel how you feel, up and down.
thanks azfree..
reminds me of what we used to talk about during math class in HS.
really? 🙂
That was nice twisting and curving….
oops haha! i bent too much i think… 🙂
Wonderfully written mind teaser. Have a great week 🙂
thank you rosidah and welcome to my blog..
this is really cool, fiveloaf. unique and simple yet thought-provoking piece. 🙂
thanks bing..
How sweet is this 🙂
thanks budhaaah!
interesting word play !! liked it 🙂
thank you ladynimue..
fiveloaf,
Makes me wonder does anyone really notice when we are down. Nice piece.
Pamela
takes one to tell.. thanks pamela!
so simply written and moving me deeply, well balance, poem, truly enjoyed it
thanks crowpie.. i breathe simplicity. simplicity is what makes me. it is not easy to be simple but very easy to be complicated.. try it!
Simple in the cleverest kind of way. I love it when a poem can deliver it’s vibrant point with elegant simplicity – well done!
thanks lyndia..
Beautiful
thanks praditi..