when the house
that we built
gets too big
can we still feel
what once was near
what once was dear
to us?
.
when it towers
over the trees
like a pagoda
can we still view
what once was near
what once was dear
to us?
.
when fame and fortune
would one day
engulf its wings over us
can we still feel
can we still view
what once was near
what once was dear
to us?
.
.
.
Advertisements
^0^
“^o^” “^o^”
thought this was a wonderful poem. nice job conveying the concern for an uncertain future in the relationship. Bravo!
tq tekia.. it is not of the uncertainty but whether they could sustain that closeness in the future..
Aaahhhh thanks for clearing that up. keep up the great work!
i have never bothered explaining my writings so you can form your own opinion.. in a way you are also right..
oh no you’re fine. I believe as poets we have a specific message we want to send to the reader in addition to the open opinions the work may inspire. that’s just the way of poetry. I’ve never explained my work either, except for on a few occasions 🙂
tq.. ^=^
http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2010/06/jingles-june-follower-awards-week-1.html
visit to see if you like any,
some already assign to this blog before.
thanks
I highly value your participation!
no prob ji and thanks a million..
that’s beautiful wonders,
when the house gets too big, you wish to know what happens….
keep wondering.
xx
haha.. 🙂
Beautiful words, wonders of life… ‘what once was dear to us’ nice poem.
thank you reflections..
Yes! The secret lies in sustaining those things near and dear to us. Fine job.
thank you giovanni..
Lovely poem–the future is always an unknown that we have to guess.
Mine is here. http://razzamadazzle.wordpress.com/2010/11/07/gettysburg/
thanks teresa for your comments..
yes. if love is still glowing in the hearts residing in that pagoda.
jackpot trish..
May you find all these “dear” and “near” in the future too! Nice!
haha thanks scent..
Again I love the repetition which adds to the force of your words. Your poems are always so tight and strong.
http://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2010/11/08/my-fortress/
thanks jessica.. will visit yours soon!
Beautiful poem…I agree with you..
these questions very real..
the repetition has added more beauty and strength to the poem.
tq rashmi- new factors can easily veil basic relationship values..
The future might change you a bit, but not to worry: what was basicly good, will remain! (? I think lol)
Liked this poem very much!
tq ina for your comments.. i feel that success, power and money had quite often than not, strain relationships..
This is beautiful poetry.. spontaneous I know.. heart’s flow..
My contribution to Potluck..
http://www.inlinkz.com/displayurl.php?id=848968
tq ramesh.. thanks for coming by- shall be at yours soon..
Wonderful questions asked and there is never seem to be a definite answer, don’t you think =P?
as it gets bigger so does distance widens relationships. in many cases, problems set in when one party needed to occupy their entire waking hours with the immediacy of sustaining their success and the expenses that comes with it.. tq rikka..
Beautiful…so many things ran through my mind readings this…bigger isn’t always better…and home is where the heart is.
tq talon..
Beautiful and gave me something to think about. Great job!
tq thoughts not lost..
You spirit is larger than the poem. Good job, fiveloaf. Poem on … Happy Rally days to you.
spirit is larger than my poem? haha ok!
Lovely spirit to your questioning– nicely done!
thank you mair..
P.S.: I appreciate your about you paragraph to the right. Thanks for sharing you.
🙂 tq..
I liked the poem, and it is best we don’t know the future, after 52 years of marriage, would I have wanted to know the future, definitely NO!
thanks gigi ann- on uncertainties so shall it be viewed from. and from chances so shall it be carved.. thank you for dropping by and feel free to browse as and when..
thats a very thoughful write… touching… the house may get bigger, but that doesnt imply that the ties with one another grows stronger. lovely poem.
thanks raj..
Perfect. I love how you were able to layer the meanings so well.
JP
http://tasithoughts.wordpress.com/2010/11/08/names-on-a-slab-of-stone/
tq jp..
So much to be questioned from so few (and wonderful) lines…
well, thats what i am good at haha!
IT IS APPARENT THAT THINGS WILL CHANGE SOME DAYS AND WE SHALL NO LONGER BE THE SAME. THANKS FOR SHARING
haha hope so..
love the repetition.
good stuff. The pagoda seems just the right word somehow…
thank you so much fillingahole..
love it!
thanks darlene
Very nice… the repeated imagery begs a very solid question. Your point is clear without being heavy handed.
thanks christiankane.. and welcome to my blog!
A great write!
thanks A.B….
Building large house, getting fame should not take one away from nears and dears.
But time has to be planned.
Nice piece.
depends on the individual i would say..
This is simply beautiful Fiveloaf….now this poem of yours reminds of my daughter’s sentiment or rather commented that if her Dad and I will build again a new house, we should make it small enough so we can still elbow each other and not a big one where we can’t no longer feel or view each other!
This poem of yours made me smile thinking of my dear daughter’s simple wish!
glad it means something to you amity— 🙂 glad to know you have a warm relationship with your daughter too!
The questions you posed are an urgent ones… really love this, the depth of your thoughts and the simple and elegant execution.
Kudos, Kris 🙂
messages needed to be simple so that it is easy for the reader to grasp.. 😉
Beatiful and soft one… I liked the use of “Near and Dear” one’s
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
tq shashi..
Great great thoughts…
What once was near…what once was dear……
Lovely.. 🙂
thanks sumit..
I read the house, it’s spaciousness no longer needed. But I read further than that…wealth maybe blocking the view of much more important life things. I like how you subtly added to the list of things to wonder about as well as the house. Nice writing! 🙂
i like the way you study my poetry concept.. amazing observation..
This one gave me shivers. Very Profound
can we still feel
can we still view
what once was near
what once was dear
to us?
Love this
Wysteria
thank you wysteria..
amazing! I loved this!
tq laura lynn..
I hope the pagodas never grow so tall to feel and see
‘what once was near
what once was dear
to us?’
Thought provoking poem. 🙂
thanks wordsworthmilions..
a thoughtful poem .nice 🙂
appreciate that uma..
When fame and fortune engulf, there is nothing that is left to hold dear.. It just makes you that vulnerable! Nice, thoughtful sentiment!
Rachana.
haha and you hold yet another opinion to this- thanks heart
Curious. It makes me think… therefore I like it! 🙂
welcome to my blog fyodor and thanks for liking it!
Love this.In the presence of wealth and wealth we tend to forget the simplest of happiness.
Great piece.
thanks june..
This is really good. There seems to be a great deal on this rather unusual blog. I shall have to explore it over a period of time, I think.
welcome to my blog david and whatever is unusual about it, feel free to browse whenever you can– thanks!
I have a similar fear; years from now, will my love and I still feel as strongly about each other? Will our home still feel like a home? Will we still be building our dreams together? I almost feel that I could have written something akin to this, although worded or styled differently.
And btw, thanks for the kind comment on my post! 🙂
thanks the reason you come..
Great write, I enjoyed reading this very much.
thank you r0013
If life, many things change. But certainly not everything!
Like the quality of your poems! That’s consistently good…
I liked the honesty in the questions asked here…
Great work, FL!
you are flattering me kavita..
FIVELOAF! really great work here, wonderful contrast and double meaning. :-)… i liked, but also enjoyed.
thanks 700miles..
Pingback: 2010 in review « fiveloaf