as I watched my own reflection
staring back at me
from the puddle after a mild shower,
I asked myself if we are living
under a canopy of rain
.
as I runneth my hands over your hair
you stared at me
as you muddle over the love I shower
I asked myself if we are only playing
over that canopy of rain
.
as I watched you beam with hope & love
that stares back at me
as I fumbled in the shower
I asked myself if we are in denial
outside that canopy of rain
.
but chances are that
if we continue to bleak & live
with the canopy of rain
hanging over our head and doorstep
let us rather cross
that threshold in mutiny
and leave that canopy of rain
behind us..
.
.
.
crisp imagery! I love the entire motif of the canopy of rain; it is very suiting. Thanks for the fantastic read!
thank you A.B.
I like the canopy of rain image throughout the poem, and I especially like the idea of leaving it behind. Well done.
thanks gospelwriter..
haha… i wonder 🙂
“^o^” “^o^”
Great poem. I love that canopy of rain.
Mine are here. http://razzamadazzle.wordpress.com/2010/11/14/bleeding-pain/ and http://razzamadazzle.wordpress.com/2010/11/13/echo/
thank you teresa..
nice..the risk involved here is immeasurable and growing outside the canopy of rain…can, may be painful…the reward is breathtakingly beautiful…that is what I feel from this piece…today I will step outside the canopy …..thank you…bkm
🙂 thank you bkm..
a very interesting poem.
thank you Ijm..
I love the “canopy of rain” repetition, thanks for sharing!
thank you scent of my heart..
Very nice poem, thanks for sharing
thank you scott ib..
Good strong write, and that last line…yeah, go ahead break free. 🙂
thanks eaton..
Love the use of ‘runneth’ – great word!
Again your use of repetition with key phrases works so well.
http://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2010/11/15/i-need-him/
thanks jessicasjapes my friend..
whats that s doing behind jessica? care to tell? is it really spelt that way?
I love how this poem left me pondering the meaning….great job!
JP
http://tasithoughts.wordpress.com/2010/11/15/into-his-eyes/
thatnk you tatsithoughts..
I like this very much. Really like the structure, different position in relation to the canopy of rain. One line I didn’t understand though, ‘If we continue to bleak and live’ in the last stanza. It’s a lovely poem.
the fear of being seen together mary bach- thats what it means..sorry i wasnt clearer!
leaving behind is cool,
beautiful job capturing canopy of rain and how it relates to you and your friend.
thanks ji..
Ready to mutiny against the canopy of rain and step inside. Love will have its way against the odds. Loved the poem.
you got a point too dan! thanks!
Ready, awaiting the canopy of rain, til the last drop falleth on our world… nice poetry. powerful
thank you reflections..
great poem. feels very intimate. nice job!
thanks industrialarts!
I too like the image of the canopy of rain! As you spoke of leaving it, I felt a happy pain. :o)
Rhyme Me a Smile
oh and it did? wow!
It doesn’t rain every day, and when it does we can still go outside and dance. Interesting theme, fiveloaf.
thank you eric..
Love this. Gorgeously written.
thank you thoughtsnotlost..
Liked it very much! Just cross that treshold!
i did! i did! haha!
Good 🙂
Beautiful!Have asked myself the same question lately.Though sometimes it’s hard to take that one big step.
Always a joy to read something close to my heart!
you did? wow! glad it touches you somehow.. thanks june..
…let us rather cross
that threshold in mutiny
and leave that canopy of rain
behind us…
…yes indeed…felt.
thank you dasuntoucha..
“cross that threshold in mutiny”…what an image!! Excellent poem…
thanks lyn for taking the trouble to read..
Wow. I love the images and ideas in this poem. Thanks for visiting my blog!
you are welcome morganna and same to you too!
Hi fiveloaf, I could almost feel the rain! lovely.
thanks heather- it had been raining all morning! … 😉 just jokin.. but welcome to my blog! thank you for your lovely comments..
I like the image created by the words “living under a canopy of rain”. In reality, I know it must not be comfortable. I like that this poem is both sad and hopeful at the same time! 🙂
thanks thereasonyoucome!
Very beautiful… your lines were perfect… ‘as you muddle over the love i shower’ thanks for sharing…
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
thank you shashi
Beautiful optimistic poem, to leave the “Canopy of rain behind” great metaphor.
Anita.
thanks anita..
An amazing piece Five. Glad I finally read some of your work. Cheers
welcome jack and thank you for your comments..
I can’t tell you how much I admire this poem. The conception is brilliant and the image does its job throughout. I like the pared-down approach very much.
you are praising me david.. i cannot but succumb to your flattery..
canopy of rain…beautiful…=D speechless words spurred within ^^~
thank you gal..
Interesting and somewhat perplexing juxtapositions of phrasings, clarified with succinct images. Your point comes across all the more.
thanks hedgewitch..
Very meaningful and thought provoking.. Canopy of Rain- who else could have thought of it.. 🙂
Love xx
you can oilvia, you can..
Wonderful imagery, fiveloaf, and the poem plants all sorts of thought in mind … suggestive … Well done and the “canopy of rain” is brilliant and lovely. Thank you for a fine read. Happy Potluck!
you’re welcome jamie..
I really like your use of repetition
you are flattering me gnarlyoak..
beautifully say, the mirror of nature (rain) is far more revealing then the one anging in our house, lovely
yea- you are right! thanks CrowPieD/margoT..
This is pure imagery and a truck load of talent!! You have a cool way with words, FL…
I don’t think I want that canopy of rain looming over me… breaking free is more my thing 🙂 And so I totally loved the last stanza!!!
thanks kavita..